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Date
Oh Penis, I remember you...
Missing: My Manhood - last seen sometime in early 2007. Read the rest...
Posted Apr 24th 2007, 05:21 in Sex
The Case Of The Ugly Naked Sorority Girls
It is beyond me why the case of DePauw University's ugly naked sorority girls comes as a surprise to anyone... Read the rest...
Posted Apr 3rd 2007, 18:11 in Sex
Children of the Porn
There`s only one kind of Planned Parenthood anymore. Read the rest...
Posted Jan 23rd 2007, 02:55 in Sex
I Dare You to Eat That
So, today, the organization that employs me put on a fundraiser at an Italian restaurant. Everything was delicious. The crowd was emotionally moved and financially generous. The service was spectacular. After the guests had left and the other staff and I were boxing up our banners and signs and whatnots, we were all chit chatting with the waiters as they cleared tables. Because we were picking desserts and fruits off of the leftover serving trays, we started talking about germs. Read the rest...
Posted Aug 24th 2006, 08:11 in Sex
An Open Letter to the Restaruants I Have Visited
Sometimes when you have a craving, it becomes a recurring craving, you know? For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had an unexplained need for vegetables, sauce, and rice in a Styrofoam box. Sometimes with Tofu, sometimes without, sometimes with an eggroll. So I have visited several fine establishments that serve this exact combination, including your restaurant, in the last couple of weeks, and I have a sugggestion. Read the rest...
Posted Aug 14th 2006, 08:06 in Sex
Do You Know Where Your Teen Is?
Or what/who they're doing for drugs or money, for that matter... Read the rest...
Posted Aug 11th 2006, 10:22 in Sex
Anyone have a life I can borrow?
Dirty laundry and cigarette butts scattered around the room like an explosion. An every-ready crucial bottle of generic labeled aspirin. Slips of papers, napkins, coasters with scribbles, thoughts, names and numbers. Empty Coke cans and a few not-so-empty ones that teeter precariously in high-risk places, waiting for me to create the inevitable mess. Beer bottles, cans, and the cardboard carcasses of 12 packs long since consumed. Read the rest...
Posted Jun 24th 2006, 18:37 in Sex
Boozin' It Without Losin' It
<p class=MsoNormal style=MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt><i style=mso-bidi-font-style: normal>Please note: In order to justify his own foolish past actions (some as recent as last night) and arrive at an equally foolish conclusion, the author of this article has relied upon myriad myths, half-truths, and downright ridiculous fabrications concerning the harmlessness of alcohol when aided by the alleged messianic powers of coffee. No doubt, these lies were told to the author by other drunkards and degenerates like himself at some sloppy bar circa 2:58 in the morning. The editor of this article has marked the vast majority of the author's bullshit with asterisks (*) for you, our respected reader.<br /><br /></i>For millennia,* binge drinkers have sidestepped the full impact of alcohol's short term consequences with coffee.* Whether you need to sober up for a safe drive home or eliminate tomorrow's nasty hangover, coffee is the cure you're looking for!*<br /><br />Now, I know what you're thinking: Sure, coffee can take care of sloppy drunk losers in the NOW, but what about the liver disease and broken familial ties that will plague us in the future?<br /><br />Let me tell you, friend: you've got nothing to worry about!* Recent studies have shown that every daily cup of coffee you drink dramatically increases your chances of escaping long term consequences of alcohol abuse altogether.* I've also read studies* that show that coffee helps to prevent heart disease, Parkinson's, and diabetes. It's a miracle drink with no adverse side effects!* Screw all the old crap you've heard about healthy lifestyles-- stuff that involves tedious exercise and dieting-- I say we go get hammered, slam some jamocha, and live forever!*<br /><br />Click on the link to read all about it!<br /><br /><i style=mso-bidi-font-style: normal>The editor would also like to mention that the author of this article never actually read the news report linked to here. After the author announced the news report's title (Coffee Defends Liver Against Booze) in a loud, obnoxious, Ooh-Looky-Here type voice, he did a little dance, pointing to his coffee cup and raising his eyebrows at the editor saying, EH? You hear that? EH? Midway through this sad display of ignorance / arrogance, the author suddenly realized he was late for a job interview and ran to the kitchen to pour himself a thermos full of Jameson and Folgers. The editor then stood at the door, shaking her head and regretting the last two years of marriage, as the author walked backwards to his car, pointing at the thermos and shouting EH? EH? for the entire length of the driveway.</i></p> Read the rest...
Posted Jun 14th 2006, 04:27 in Sex
Boozin' It Without Losin' It
<p class=MsoNormal style=MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt><i style=mso-bidi-font-style: normal>Please note: In order to justify his own foolish past actions (some as recent as last night) and arrive at an equally foolish conclusion, the author of this article has relied upon myriad myths, half-truths, and downright ridiculous fabrications concerning the harmlessness of alcohol when aided by the alleged messianic powers of coffee. No doubt, these lies were told to the author by other drunkards and degenerates like himself at some sloppy bar circa 2:58 in the morning. The editor of this article has marked the vast majority of the author's bullshit with asterisks (*) for you, our respected reader. <br /><br /></i>For millennia,* binge drinkers have sidestepped the full impact of alcohol's short term consequences with coffee.* Whether you need to sober up for a safe drive home or eliminate tomorrow's nasty hangover, coffee is the cure you're looking for!*<br /><br />Now, I know what you're thinking: Sure, coffee can take care of sloppy drunk losers in the NOW, but what about the liver disease and broken familial ties that will plague us in the future?<br /><br />Let me tell you, friend: you've got nothing to worry about!* Recent studies have shown that every daily cup of coffee you drink dramatically increases your chances of escaping long term consequences of alcohol abuse altogether.* I've also read studies* that show that coffee helps to prevent heart disease, Parkinson's, and diabetes. It's a miracle drink with no adverse side effects!* Screw all the old crap you've heard about healthy lifestyles-- stuff that involves tedious exercise and dieting-- I say we go get hammered, slam some jamocha, and live forever!<br /><br />Click on the link to read all about it!<br /><br /><i style=mso-bidi-font-style: normal>The editor would also like to mention that the author of this article never actually read the news report linked to here. After the author announced the news report's title (Coffee Defends Liver Against Booze) in a loud, obnoxious, Ooh-Looky-Here type voice, he did a little dance, pointing to his coffee cup and raising his eyebrows at the editor saying, EH? You hear that? EH? Midway through this sad display of ignorance / arrogance, the author suddenly realized he was late for a job interview and ran to the kitchen to pour himself a thermos full of Jameson and Folgers. The editor then stood at the door, shaking her head and regretting the last two years of marriage, as the author walked backwards to his car, pointing at the thermos and shouting EH? EH? for the entire length of the driveway.</i></p> Read the rest...
Posted Jun 14th 2006, 04:22 in Sex
Orgasm Causes Headache!
Now women have the built-in excuse they've been pining for... Read the rest...
Posted May 31st 2006, 03:22 in Sex
How Innocent are the Sips of Youth?
Young people, parties, alcohol. It's a familliar scene for all, and a pretty damn comfortable one. Hell, throw in some pot and you have most kids' weekends right there. Now, I'm no doctor, but I suspect teenagers have livers too. That's worrying, because being a teenager and seeing the amount of happiness in a bottle consumed first hand thrusts upon me the severity of the situation. I narrowly escaped being beaten up by a drunkard for wearing a pink shirt to a party, that's just not right. I just have to wonder, how much longer can we justify getting pissed because we are young.<br /><br />DISCLAIMER: I am not religous and I do drink, occasionly. I'm not some nut who thinks noone should drink ever. I am 17 years old.<br /> Read the rest...
Posted May 21st 2006, 07:14 in Sex
Making Love to Woodland Creatures
A simple, straightforward guide on how to sex up an otter. Read the rest...
Posted May 8th 2006, 19:11 in Sex
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