So, this afternoon I'm on my daily drive home from work on the Interstate, and a green pick-up truck flys past me in the left lane. Unremarkable, except for the fact that the toolbag driving the truck had a set of fake testicles hanging off of his trailer hitch, or whatever that silver vertical ball thingy is that hangs off of trucks. I think it's called a trailer hitch. One could argue that I'm a trailer bitch and I still don't know the correct term. I digress.

Normally I would find this hysterical. For some reason, I didn't. It was kinda gross. Talk about balls out. They were shiny...like golf balls in two sacs of silly putty, really. Swaying back and forth with the speed of the vehicle. Yig.

I wish I'd gotten a look at the driver, but in typical toolbag fashion, he had dark tinted windows. I guarantee a Mullet was behind that glass. Or worse yet, the Redneck Eminem type. You know him...skinny, borderline concave, shaved head, wife beater, bad-ass tattoos that he gave himself with Everclear and an inkpen. Uses the term pimpin' and biatch. Not exactly a Mensa candidate.

This is coincidental. Here in Nashville, a local establishment is promoting its first ever Testicle Festival. Seriously. Check it out: http://www.judgebeans.com/festival/.

Of course, these are animal testicles. Turkey, lamb or calf testicles. They are trying the marketing approach of using the term fries instead of...um...say, BALLS!?!? That's like George Bush calling Global Warming Freedom Heat or some such crap. Not that the average ball-eating Joe would mind the politically correct euphemism. I'm guessing that if you actually enjoy eating testicles, semantics aren't big on your list of priorities. I'll fall for testicles disguised as fries when I fall for the ole I'll just put the *tip* in charade. Just sayin'.

Anyway, unless they are actually serving the testicles of some of my ex-boyfriends.....count me OUT.

I can see it now;

Dumbass: Oh, Maitre D', what type of grape libation would you recommend for the BOVINE balls?

Maitre D'; Boone's Farm