We have a new guy at work. Predictably geeky and twitchy. It's a computer software company, after all. He seems innocuous enough.

I arrived early this morning to meet a deadline. There was hardly anyone in yet. I went into the breakroom to get some coffee. As I was waiting for my brew, I had the uncontrollable urge to fart. I went for it, figuring I'm the only one around. Well, I should've known things would take an ugly turn because for starters, the fart itself was HOT. You know how that goes. Hot and long and a wee bit burny. One of those where you think you may have to go wipe.

I was in mid-fart when the door swung open and here comes gung ho new guy.

Good morning! he bellows and walks right up next to me to prepare his coffee.

I mutter morning and try to assess the situation. Before I know it, he's poured his coffee and is putting in the creamer.

Good Christ, this creamer smells like shit! He lifts the creamer to his nose and makes a face like he just ate an entire raw onion. Holy crap, how long has this been left out?

I make a face as well and say Dude, God only knows, people around here are pigs. He pours the creamer down the sink and hail mary's the bottle into the trashcan muttering no kidding!

Pig, indeed. Don't you judge me. You'd have done the same.