All the explicit sexual content in the media these days has finally seeped into the fertile soil of our children's minds and turned them into teenage crack whores. A study has shown that almost 4% of 13,000 surveyed teens admitted to exchanging sex for money or drugs at some point in their short, lusty lives. Surprisingly enough, teen males are more likely to give up petals on their precious rose of chastity than the girls.

While 4% doesn't sound like a lot, this survey leads researchers to believe that there are 650,000 teen smack strumpets right here in the ol' U.S. of A. While the researchers expected a smattering of prostitution from runaways and drug abusers, they were shocked to find whoring so common in the general population.

Luckily, the survey shows that these teen tarts are not becoming professionals. Most of the 4% are one-trick ponies, so to speak; they have only had one sexual encounter for money or drugs. Unfortunately, it only takes one time to turn your sweet, beautiful child into a strung-out slut bound for the bowels of hell.

Personally, I have never whored myself out for money or drugs, but then again, I never knew it was such a popular practice. Who can say what might have happened to my idyllic youth, had I known; there were plenty of times I was hard up for cash and starving for a little affection. Brrrrr... let's not think about it.

Parents, keep a close eye on your teens. Just because you live in the suburbs doesn't mean they're safe-- the country clubs are probably full of drug-toting pederasts just waiting to spot a desperate, weak moment in the life of your child.