Pants-Off Dance-Off.

That's even better than my carwash idea: The G's-up Hosedown.

It's a show where people enter a stripping contest and, you know, win or something. I don't know. Again, I'm the least qualified television critic, as I don't have cable. But I can assure you that it involves a screaming audience making a murderous racket. There is a lot of screaming in general on television at the present time, and it causes me to watch TV like my great uncle Jack: sitting in the recliner, grumbling and muting the noise box.

And the host is Jodie Sweetin, AKA Stephanie Tanner of Full House. AKA child star who spent a coupla years on Meth. Surprised? Of course not! You knew it was gonna go down like that. Child stars have only the slightest chance of making it to 25 without a major faux pas. And meth? That's definitely on the fuck-up end of faux pas.

So back to the title: The Pants-off Dance-off. With a fallen child-star. Frigging brilliant. No messing around there.