You know when you're at a party, and you're talking to some guy, and he's all like, "I was the first bass player for My Morning Jacket, butI quit the band to focus on acting??? or "I totally used to hang out with Owen Wilson back in the day,??? or "I actually had the idea for MySpace, but I didn't think to patent it???? Well, there is now one less of that guy in the world, and in death he is taking the public outing for all of the rest of them.

When Paul Van Valkenburgh crossed over, he was still claiming to have written the "itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini??? song, under the name Paul Vance. Except he didn't -- the real, and very alive, Paul Vance wrote the song, and he's all like "Dude, WTF? I wrote that shit!???.

Most of the information out there in the general media on this wacky switcheroo focuses on the real author reading the obituary, and convincing the world that he's still drawing breath -- and royalties. But I'm wondering, along with at least one blogger I know, why take credit for that song?

I'm picturing him hanging out in some wacky-tacky tikibar in Florida at about age 30, wearing some obnoxious Hawaiian shirt, hitting on some woman who is about to excuse herself and never return to any location within 40 feet of the barstool she's leaving. And then the guy, in a last ditch effort, says in a buzzy slur, "Y'knaw, I wrote the ithssy bitthsy teeny weeny yella polka dot bikini song.??? And the woman, mildly impressed or realizing he might buy her a round, or both, decided to stay on the barstool. And she later became his wife. And they played the Itsy Bitsy song to wild cheers at their wedding reception, though his college friends seemed confused as to why her side of the family was giving a shit about that song, because they weren't in on the lie. And he never told her the truth. And she would introduce him around as the guy who wrote the Itsy Bitsy, and he would just smile and shake hands, because the lie had just gone too far to come clean about it now. And then he died. And then she wrote his obituary. And then he was outed for not writing that song.

I don't know about you, but I would think that not writing that song would get you more points in heaven (and with the crowd back here on Earth) than actually penning it. It's a pretty terrible song. And it's in your head now, isn't it? Sorry about that. Don't blame the dead guy. Totally not his fault.