How to Get a Free Lunch at Atlanta Bread Company

by betsy snyder []

Published on 2/10/06 in Food & Drink

That's right, a free lunch in nine simple steps...

Arrive at downtown location of Atlanta Bread Company, Anytown, USA.
Discover sign on the front door that asks you to use an entrance on the other side of the building. Enter the ABC and walk to the order counter. Discover second sign that asks you to order at the dessert counter, which is on the complete opposite side of the restaurant, right next to where you came in after walking around the building.
Order soup and sandwich combo with a drink. Ask why the combo rings up to be nine (!!!) dollars. Learn that you have ordered a "specialty sandwich" that is not included in the soup and sandwich combo. Become frustrated. Decide not to argue. Spend the extra dollar. Take a number.
Journey to the pick up counter on the other side of the store when your number is called. Discover that while your soup looks dandy, your sandwich is literally the size of your fist. And you have very small hands. Ask the sandwich maker what's up with your sandwich. He'll tell you they ran out of the fancy tomato-onion bread, so he just used French. Tell him you were suckered out of an extra dollar for the fancy bread. He'll tell you to take it up with the manager.
Walk back across the building and show your sandwich to the dude that took your cash. Start by saying you "don't like to complain (though you kind of do), but", and then say, "Would you pay nine bucks for this" Accept the offer to speak with the manager.
Begin to eat the soup. The soup is fine. Don't touch the sandwich. You'll need this as evidence when the very unhealthy-looking Clay-Aiken-ish manager approaches your table to view the "issue." Pay attention: this is the part where you get your lunch for free. Point to your sandwich. Say "Nine dollars?" and stare at him. He will get shaky and bring you your cash back, apologizing all the way there and back.
Pocket your money. Finish your soup. Take a bite of your sandwich. Realize there is no cheese, and the only thing you eat without cheese on it is breakfast cereal. Pick up your food again and walk across the building to the money guy. Open up your sandwich so he can get a good view. Say, "Dude. This was supposed to come with cheese." He'll tell you he'll take care of it. Walk back across the restaurant and sit down with your cheeseless sandwich.
Accept the one piece of provolone that is delivered to you on a latex glove covering the hand of the money guy.
And then, of course, clear your own fucking table.

Thanks, Atlanta Bread Company! And thanks, Latex gloves!