I'm smack in the middle of a pathophysiology class, and spent 4 hours of my week talking about skin disorders. Geesh. Ever seen a photo of the gnarliest jock itch imaginable? I have. Boils? Check. Varieties of fungi and bacteria you never knew existed in places you never want to host them? Check. But perhaps most disturbing has been our extended conversation about hand washing.

I'm no germophobe. Well, at least not until this past week,anyway. I wash my hands at the appropriate times, I consider myself to be doing my part to keep myself relatively germ-free and keep my friends and neighbors safe from my personal army of germies.

So lately, I've been watching people with more interest in the bathroom. (I wonder how many Google searches will end up here based on that sentence?) And let me tell you: people are not washing. They are rinsing, at best, and sometimes coming out of the stall, touching all over their faces, and exiting the restroom to shake hands and touch stuff. And then I'm going to touch that stuff. And that's going to be the same as touching that person's butt. And if the non-washer happens to be preparing or serving my food, that's going to be the same as putting my mouth on their butt. (Welcome,Google searchers!) In fact, there are over 76,000 cases of food-borne illness each year in the USalone, and about 5,000 are fatal. How much of that is attributed to a garnish of the cook's personal, infectious goo?

Oh, the germs! The spreading! The doctor who secretly didn't use the antibacterial stuff in surgery and infected his patients with flesh-eating staph!

Statistically, women are more on the ball about lavaring the manos. Seventy five percent of the time, I believe. But men are more around the fifty percent mark, and healthcare workers are -- gasp -- closer to forty. That is a lot of butt-touching and other-nastiness-touching of which I want no part.

We can't control how often the world washes. But YOU out there,you make sure you wash 'em, with soap, under warm or hot water, for at least the amount of time it takes to sing Happy Birthday. Every time you use the restroom or sneeze or pick something off the bottom of your shoe. I'm watching you.