This morning I stared desperately at the office coffee maker, a Styrofoam cup clenched perhaps too tightly in my shaky hands, and I waited for the small red light at the bottom of the machine to signal a full, ready pot. There were a few others near me, but no one spoke. Any time after 11 am we could be friends, but at that moment, these people were competitors. My nemeses. Anyone reaching for cream or sugar got a Gollum-to-Frodo-esque glare. I am a purist, I am deserving. They are unworthy. I left 30 minutes earlier than usual to get to work today (on Friday, the coffee was gone by the time I arrived), and I wasn't about to let some brown sugar water-drinking pussy get first dibs.

I read an article tonight concerning the "growing problem of caffeine abuse." Personally, I thought it was a bit absurd; as if anyone has a caffeine problem. Sure, maybe I'll crave some caffeine in the morning to help get me going. Or have a few midmorning cups and some Jolt-brand chewing gum to make it to lunchtime. No crime there. Maybe I'll have one or two early afternoon cappuccinos to avoid a minor, blinding headache, and a pre-rush hour mug to keep me from rage-mulling a drifter on my way home. No big deal, right? I wouldn't call that a "problem." That's not "abuse."

If I were going to "abuse" my body, I'd deny myself caffeine, ya know? That'd really be "abuse," if we're going to start throwing the term around. I mean, these researchers and their "findings" are starting to get out of hand. Why can't they just go back to focusing on the meth-heads and dope-fiends, huh? Why do they have to butt in to the business of normal, healthy, functioning adults?! I'm not doing anything illegal! I'm not pushing crack rocks at your kid's elementary school, I'm just a responsible citizen having some goddamn coffee that doesn't hurt a single friggin' soul! That's all!!

Heh. Anyway. I think you get my point. No need to get all worked up over it. Nothing to lose sleep over. Not that I sleep anymore...