With all of the recent hype surrounding the release of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, I thought it would be a great service to point out 10 reasons someone might NOT want to see this movie.

Warning: Possible Spoilers!

10. You are absolutely terrified of men with mustaches: As you've likely noticed, Borat has a mustache that even Tom Selleck would be proud of. If you believe like so many others that guns don't kill people, people with mustaches kill people, then you may want to avoid Borat.

9. You wear a white baseball cap that may or may not be turned to the side and/or backwards: If you do in fact own a white baseball cap, you are quite possibly a douchebag fratboy. If this is the case, you will likely be horrified and embarrassed by the actions of your fellow douchebag fratboys in Borat. Or you may be too stupid to know you're being ridiculed, in which case, don't waste your time.

8. You are, in fact, Kazakh: If you are from Kazakhstan, you will probably find this movie not only highly inaccurate, but horrifically offensive. That, or you'll use the newfound celebrity of this Borat fellow, along with your Kazakh heritage, to help get you laid.

7. You're a Pentecostal: Sorry Pentecostals, but much like douchebag fratboys, your fellow churchgoers make you look like delusional psychos. Use this opportunity--and the recent political swing--to your advantage: join a church that's less creepy! Welcome to the middle.

6. You're a gentile Jew sympathizer that's overly touchy about Jew jokes: Actual Jews will not find this movie offensive. They will recognize the satire and laugh with it (they'll probably also realize that the actor playing Borat is, himself, Jewish). Ultra-touchy sympathizers, on the other hand, will likely flip-the-fuck-out at the mention of anything even remotely anti-Semitic, even if it's clearly a joke poking fun at actual anti-Semites.

5. You have a Confederate flag hanging in your house/truck/yard/office: Chances are you hate foreigners, anyway (in the civilized world we call it xenophobia), and couldn't bear to watch one on screen for 83 minutes. If you can handle it, you may or may not realize that your similarly decorative compatriots come off as racist, bigoted, ignorant, judgmental jackasses (which you may or may not see as a problem).

4. You're squeamish at the sight of a man's cock: Borat's cock makes several appearances throughout the film. He even lets it out on a subway (although by accident), where it makes several passengers very uncomfortable. Borat's cock goes with him almost everywhere in the film.

3. You use the phrase "get her in the sack" when discussing women you'd like to sleep with: It's not so much that you wouldn't like this movie, it just might give you some really bad ideas. This is not a cultural tradition that needs to be imported from Kazakhstan.

2. You are an uptight clenchbutt: If you are seriously without a sense of humor, I mean seriously, and/or you're just an uptight clenchbutt, you won't find this film enjoyable. In fact, you'll probably just think it's a shitty documentary. You'll also proceed to mourn the social and moral failings of "your America" as the hordes of wasted youth around you in the theatre laugh their collective asses off. I suggest you make haste to The Santa Clause 3 or some other craptastic "family" film which you will find suitable, benign, and mindless.

1. You are terrified by hairy fatman 'taint: No explanation necessary, I hope, although I should add that this film is done in traditional widescreen format, so you'll actually see beyond just the 'taint: balls and asshole included. Consider yourself warned.