I am, in general, not a great phone person. I am not the person who calls everyone just to say "hi" or to instigate the evenings activities. It seems that there is always a liason friend who takes care of all that; that one friend in the group who knows the whereabouts of every person and whether they are coming out. Every group has that person, you are thinking of their name in your head right now. I make exceptions on nights like these when I have Jack Daniels at my personal disposal, which I call my mouth. I spent the last 45 minutes consuming the whiskey and calling every one I know for no apparent reason. In case you haven't figured it out, not one person answered.

This leads me to my real dilemma: voicemail. It hasn't been around for a that long. I can still recall the days of the answering machine where there was a cassette tape that recorded each message and when the person called you could hear them from the other room. In fact, you could get the answering machine and still talk to someone you knew was listening in the room. When we finally switched to voicemail I remember getting messages from my grandma that went something like this: "Hi, Bekah, it's grandma. If you're there pick up the phone. I'm here! Pick UP THE PHONE!" She didn't understand that you couldn't hear the voicemail as it was being recorded. Precious. I love you grandma. Thanks for calling.

There is also a new miracle invented only slightly before cell phones called "Caller I.D." That way you can see the number or name of the person calling you and you can answer at your discretion. I love grandma, but I rarely answer when she calls. Don't worry. I call her back, eventually. But no, my real problem is with the voicemail lady. Every time you call someone with no answer they have a cute message that says "Hey, I'm not here, leave a message." or in those really hilarious cases they just say "Hello?" and wait, leaving you to talk to the empty space until the voicemail lady comes on. But seriously, why is she there? Why do I have to sit through and entire message and then listen to the voicemail lady tell me what I can or can't do? I am at a loss every time she says "To leave a call back number, press 5" as if there was no caller I.D. on every cell phone. Why would I leave a call back number? My phone is in my pocket and the number is still the same as when I dialed it 10 minutes ago. Or, sometimes she says, "If you would like to leave a numeric page. . ." Do they even make pagers anymore? No, I have a problem with this mystery woman taking up 30 seconds of my precious time when I am trying to leave a 2 word message. "Call me."

This woman and I seem to be having a very intimate relationship this evening because not one of my friends has answered their phone. I'm not worried, but when Jack Daniels calls I seem to turn into a drunk mouth and where are my friends when I need a receptacle? Perhaps this is a lesson to me: Never drink and dial. It only leads to disappointment.