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Jane

Names I Don't Like, And Why

by Jane []
Published on 18/12/06 in People
Aww, she's just such a cute baby. What's the worst name we could possibly give her? Twenty five awesome ideas, right here.
As a disclaimer, I don't like my name, either. It rhymes with "pain", "plain", "drain" and a bunch of other awful words.
 
  1. Jenny: Jenny is the rosy cheeked, fat girl who likes to dance.
  2. Jenn: Jenn will try to kill herself. I've known two Jenns; both attempted suicide and one succeeded.
  3. Taylor: As a girl, Taylor is a nasty bitch. As a guy, he wears pink Lacoste polo shirts and loves himself way too much.
  4. Raquelle: Raquelle is seventeen and knocked up.
  5. Rachelle: Begins with "rash." Aside from this, is exactly the same as Raquelle.
  6. Lindy: The most boring, personality-void, toneless shit of a name.
  7. Amanda: Friends ruined this for me. She's a man, duh.
  8. Kimber: Mommy tried to write down "Kimberly" but got distracted by the sixer of Miller Lite.
  9. Jamie: Female Jamie is ugly. Male Jamie is a pussy.
  10. Kendra: One of the many names of girls who are both conservative, Christian and complete whores, Kendra goes to the university closest to her home town, lives in a sorority and tells her parents that she attends church every Sunday when in fact, she spends both weekend mornings stumbling from ATOs to Kappa Kappa Gamma.
  11. Micah: Artsy Douchebag.
  12. Ashley: What better way to let your daughter know that she's just one of the seething masses than to call her Ashley?
  13. Brent: Brent is built like a brick shithouse and is so far back in the closet that his ass is being tickled by Narnia.
  14. Travis: Touches himself and thinks about doing illegal things.
  15. Kelsey: Cute name for a dog. Doggish name for a girl.
  16. Jenna: Show me a non-whorey Jenna and I'll show you my tits.
  17. Natasha: Went to a private school and doesn't understand that the real world doesn't take part in singing practices, uniform checks and blue light discos.
  18. Ariel: Ditsy, blonde, tall and too thin.
  19. Chase: Generally hated, along with Chet.
  20. Tawny: One of the Ultimate Stripper Names of All Time.
  21. Cayden: This is the name Rachelle and Raquelle will give to their illegitimate sons.
  22. Chastity: The antonym of names.
  23. Destiny: ...is to become Tawny's roommate.
  24. Topher: Too cool for Chris, huh? 
... and last but definitely not least:

   25. Skyler: Total. Douchebag.
 

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19 Comments

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MindSmack

Sam Feuer - Mindsmack.com
Lark

Lar'kiki

Lar'kiki-Shamona.

Any of those = rough, rough life :p Written on 18/12/06

bugmenot

UnBugged
Richard: What a Dick!

Dawn: Morning sickness. Written on 18/12/06

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
I dated a guy named Brett, and my mom always called him Brat. To this day I'm not sure if it was intentional. Probably. Written on 18/12/06

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
At thanksgiving dinner with my current GF, the subject of my ex-girlfriend Marley came up. My Mom showed her affinity for the subject, when she remembered her after I made mention, and incorrectly exclaimed, "Oh Marla!" 5 months Mom, I dated her for 5 months. Written on 19/12/06

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Brent: Brent is built like a brick shithouse and is so far back in the closet that his ass is being tickled by Narnia.

HAHAHAHAHA! This is un-fucking-believably true! What's with that?
Brett's tend to be relatively cool on the other hand, but also gay (as in homosexual). Written on 19/12/06

mustang_man

C Daniel
Just glad not to see my name...cyrus. Plenty easy to rhyme with but luckily rare enough not to stereotype! Perhaps an alternate cool list with my name on it??? Written on 18/12/06

Scandalnavia

Scandalnavia
Cyrus: a child whose parents liked boot-scooting music but didn't want to name their child Billy-ray out of fear that he would sleep with his sister.

happy? Written on 22/12/06

calebc

caleb
A non-whorey Jenna
Written on 19/12/06

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
It's all a front. She's a floozy! Written on 19/12/06

JaneCopland

Jane
Closet whore, no doubt. Written on 19/12/06

calebc

caleb
I don't doubt she accepts money in exchange for sex, a whore to be true, but whorey? Written on 19/12/06

JaneCopland

Jane
It's just so bookishly boring when people have to take the dictionary definition of whore to the masses. Lame comment. Written on 19/12/06

GasperRubino

gasper
Natural improbablity ......There is one out there sure, so is the Loch Ness Monster, and Bigfot. These all fall under the catagory of " I swear I saw it" or "I saw it on the Sci-fi channel once, its true I swear" Written on 30/12/06

cami

courtney
okay i like that name ? Written on 26/11/07

saraastrid

sara astrid
male jamies are not pussies!
except for jamie kennedy. Written on 19/12/06

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
No, I'm pretty sure they tend to be pussies. Most female Jaimes I've known have been pretty cool though. Written on 19/12/06

leek_801

Bill LeClere
Percy--naming your son Percy is child abuse. Written on 19/12/06

becky

becky
I'm so fucking sick of every new baby girl being named "bella" Written on 31/12/06

cami

courtney
that's for like a chauwawaawwawa that's ear's ring alot like little bells or something
or like some one who belts, like when fat girls take the "it's okay to look fat to sound nicey" and just belt out and belt out and belt out. Written on 26/11/07

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