Dear Networks,

Greetings. How's it going? Feeling good during the holidays? I must tell you—when I heard about your new fall lineup, I was just thrilled—THRILLED. Finally, serious, dramatic, and entertaining shows—that made you think—were going to air on your crummy network. No more would I have to be entertained by racist jokes a la George Lopez. Or find it funny that a fat guy was married to a skinny lady and watch as hilarity (by which I mean ridiculous pandering, demeaning drivel) ensues every single heartbreaking week.

You were bringing me shows that held me on the edge of my seat, such as Lost, Alias, Heroes and, my favorite of all time—DayBreak. I heard of this so-called DayBreak and was enthralled from the first moment. How could this not be the stupidest concept of all time? He re-lives the day over and over and over for 13 LONG WEEKS? BO-RING! But, I watched because Taye Diggs is ridiculously attractive, and I was on a Lost slump, anyway, and needed to fill the void. And you did good ABC; you did good. It was entertaining, thought-provoking, twisted. You made me ADDICTED.


And then you dropped me like a bad habit! I trusted you, and you yanked my beloved from the air. Like you and so many others have yanked so many of my lifelines before that. Vanished? HELLO, that was a GOOD SHOW! Commander In Chief? That was a risk, but I was loyal enough to sit on my butt every Monday night and tune in. And you broke my heart!

Networks, you are officially on notice. There are MANY of me...and few of you. Play with my tender feelings again, and you will fear my wrath.

Sincerely,
I Might As Well Be Watching Big Day