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Rebecca Kelley

The Fat High Schooler's Guide to Extra-Curricular Activities

by Rebecca Kelley []
Published on 12/1/07 in People
Avoid social embarrassment by memorizing this handy list of what you can and can't do if you're a fat kid in high school.
Welcome to high school, Chubby! Even though you're fat and undoubtedly have low self esteem and virtually no athletic ability, your numerous stomach rolls shouldn't limit the fun you can have for the next four years. Because we Drivlers care about you and your social well being, we've assembled a guide of what you can and can't do throughout high school; that way, you won't have to figure them out the hard way.

If you memorize this list and heed our advice, then who knows, you might just get voted Jolliest Fat Kid your senior year. And we all know that everyone loves the jolly fat kid.

Can't be: a cheerleader
cheerleader_01

Can be: a baton twirler
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Can't: join the basketball team
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Can: squeegee the court
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Can't: be in the school play
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Can: help build the set
chunkyhammer

Can't play: the flute
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Can play: the tuba
tuba_player_01

Can't join: the French club
french_club

Can join: the German club
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Can't do: hurdles
fat_kid_hurdling_01

Can do: shotput
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Can't: get a date to Homecoming
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Can: vote for the Homecoming queen
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Can't hang out with: the Abercrombie crowd
abercrombie_01

Can hang out with: the Hot Topic crowd
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Can't get detention for: trying to make out in the hallway
making_out_01

Can get detention for: trying to make off with a double helping of waffles on Breakfast for Lunch Day in the cafeteria
chunkywaffles_01

Can't get invited to: a popular kid's kegger when his parents are out of town
keg_stand

Can get invited to: your friend's LAN party when his parents are upstairs
lan_party_400_01

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17 Comments

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JaneCopland

Jane
Can't: Write for the social pages of the school magazine.
Can: Write for Drivl. Written on 12/1/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Hey, we're not fat! Written on 12/1/07

nugget

brandon
I killed a bunch of those stereotypes. I did play the flute, I did hang out with the popular girls, Abercrombie gang, I was in the French club, I did not hang out with the Hot topic Kids. I did go to prom with one girl my junior year, and I took 5 girls my senior year. 4 of them were good friends of me and my original date, but they had no dates. I bought them all corsages and we had a blast. I've been invited to multiple keg parties. I still hang out with quite a few of the "popular" kids. I have some of them on facebook too. I still continue this through college. Did not like theater but I did help a friend who was in theater practice lines and helped lights/sounds if they were short people. Written on 12/1/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I still hang out with quite a few of the "popular" kids. I have some of them on facebook too.


Why do I find this so... geeky?

Just kidding, man. I was not a fat kid and I embodied all of the fat kid stereotypes anyway. Written on 12/1/07

hooty_mcboob

HootyMcBoob
"Why do I find this so...geeky?"

Um, because it reeks of desperation?

Written on 13/1/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Gee Nugget, you really know how to suck the funny out of an article. Way to go, Fatty. Written on 13/1/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Once again, Nugget, a joke. This a preemptive shush. Written on 13/1/07

nugget

brandon
Ooops my bad... Guess it just sucks that you let anyone sign up huh? Written on 13/1/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Yeah, a democracy must really suck. Written on 13/1/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Oh wow. I am weirded out about making fun of the ex-fat fit. Because, as I said, I was as skinny as a rake, but I was the designated fat kid nonetheless. Maybe it was because I used words like nonetheless.

In other news, I have a new dog. Written on 14/1/07

hooty_mcboob

HootyMcBoob
Nugget, I'm sorry we fought. Let's be friends again. Written on 14/1/07

Dante

Alexis
I don't know where is the problem and the association fat with geek or geek with un-popular. Written on 15/1/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Irony, sarcasm, satire? Come on folks, isn't it obvious enough from all of the other shit we (and you) write on this site that we're making fun of the stereotype not the ACTUAL fat people?

If you need a hug, go see Dr. Phil; if you want a laugh, come hang with the Drivl kids.

Cheers Written on 15/1/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
"Drivl Kids" has a nice ring to it methinks... Our collective baby would spew fire and be so snarky its head would explode. Written on 15/1/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Like this? Written on 15/1/07

latisha1903

latisha
Can't sit with the "popular" kids at football games

Can cheer with the Pep Squad


Can't join StuCo (student council)

Can type their minutes Written on 21/1/07

J1ndo

J1ndo
A fat kid absolutely can get invited to the popular kid's kegger, as long as he has found and embraced his inner Chris Farley. Written on 23/3/07

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