Members login Not a member yet? Sign up
Aubry Leveck

Things I Learned From Watching TV

by Aubry Leveck []
Published on 15/1/07 in Television
You don't know what you got till it's gone...and I learned that the hard way when I resorted to watching TV while I waited for my Internet hookup.
We've recently moved, and the cable company, being the high performance machine that it is, apparently only has 1 "Internet Hookup Guy" for the entire county. So, needless to say, we had to wait a couple weeks to get our internet turned on. Without my Fark and Drivl to read in the limited free time that I have, I had to resort to doing something I rarely do, which was watching a lot of TV. A LOT OF TV. While feeling my brain slowly rot, I started to notice a few things...

Things I learned while watching TV:
  1. Judge Alex Ferrer is hot! He's so sexy I wish someone would screw me over so I can sue them.
  2. The people starring on any of VH1s "celebreality" shows are embarrassingly sad. Seriously. They are living, breathing proof that anyone will do anything for money. There's this one show, (I cant remember the damn name) where people who may have had some small bit of fame back in 1987 compete with other people trying to hang onto that last bit of 15 minutes to see who's the "most famous," when, in reality, none of them are. Another one of VH1's little gems is "I Love New York." WTF?? I honestly don't believe any SANE man could live with this bitch for 1 day and not start working on an alibi.
  3. The black news anchors on CNN are whiter than I am.
  4. People desperately need to start whooping their kids' asses more, or else this country is in serious trouble. Shows like "Nanny 911" make me wondering why there hasn't been some kind of law put in place to keep ignorant people from breeding. These kids are little assholes! I never thought I would ever want to punch a 4-year old in the face, but alas, this program showed me that yes, I do have it in me.
  5. Why is it that when the mafia / Colombian drug dealers kill the undercover / retired cop's family and burn down his house, the only thing to survive the fire is the one photo of his wife and kid hugging on the beach? What the hell is that thing made of? The 600-pound solid steel gun cabinet was utterly annihilated, but thank God the polaroid survived.
  6. I, from the depths of my soul, truly believe that the folks in advertising think that the American public is made up of 95% retarded people. Commercials are sickening.  Except for Geico; their caveman approach... genius.

Tag & Vote

Technorati Technorati Tags:
drivl, television, vh1, judge alex ferrer, celebreality, cnn, nanny 911
Social Bookmark:
Submit to Del.icio.us Submit to Digg Submit to Reddit
Vote:
 4 (5 votes) Login to vote

Share, it's good for you


Copy and paste the code above to post this story on your MySpace or Blog.

10 Comments

Wanna comment? Signup!

JaneCopland

Jane
Re: commercials... people with trouble getting a boner like to go fishing. People with herpes all ride bicycles and have hot girlfriends. Asthmatics all have sweet puppies, and butterflies put you to sleep. Written on 14/1/07

MC_10-56

Joshua Paddock
I HATE those Valtrex commercials

"I won't let genital herpes stop me!"

WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD BITCH! GENITAL HERPES IS GOD'S WAY OF SAYING "HEY, WHORING CUNTBAG, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!"

Written on 23/3/07

Dante

Alexis
And also you can spend 5 minutes of your time watching a commercial before you realize that this commercial in fact is the program Written on 15/1/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
I never thought I would ever want to punch a 4-year old in the face, but alas, this program showed me that yes, I do have it in me.
Oh so true. But it's still fun to watch until you realize that these horrible parents live in your country and their kids will be the manager at the Less Schwab in a few years. Written on 15/1/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Dude, I went to college with the 18-22 year old versions of these children. A good whack on the bum would have fixed a lot at the age of four. If the kid's the kind of shit you see on these shows, I hardly think this constitutes abuse. It needn't even hurt; just be vaguely humiliating. No wonder my political affiliation score is only 90% liberal... Written on 15/1/07

MildlyDisturbed

Paul King
I learned

apply directly to the forehead
apply directly to the forehead
apply directly to the forehead Written on 15/1/07

hooty_mcboob

HootyMcBoob
Oh, god, and have you see the one where the crazy lady with the weird hair comes on the screen and screams, "Head On, I HATE your commercials BUT I LOVE YOUR PRODUCT!"? The first time I saw it, I thought I that some LSD had slipped its way into my chamomile. It was so scary. Written on 15/1/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I believe the person who came up with this commercial graduated with a 2.1 from the University of Pickingyourass Written on 16/1/07

blitzhund

William Paris
I don't see why we need the United Nations or even a standing Army for that matter...Just give the terrorist a coke...it'll all be better in a fizzy sort of way... Written on 16/1/07

cami

courtney
yesterday i saw a program and it was muted, why because a old lady was taking off a wig, and then fake eyebrows, and then she put the eye brows on her upper lips to look like a mustache. and then i ran away. i dont think i can kiss a boy right ever again. Written on 23/12/07

Wanna comment? Signup!