Dear Seattle,

We've lived together for a while now, and there is something I have to share with you about your behaviour. This may not come as particularly surprising news, since I'm sure you've been told this before, but you'd do well to hear it again.

I am noticing that we have very different views as to the meaning of "snow." Snow, Seattle, is white. It's either packed down or flakey, and is not nearly as cold as you might imagine. It is never brown, and rarely is it transparent. Snow builds up on roads and prevents people from getting to work. What you have been calling snow is what everyone from Spokane to New York City calls slush.

Secondly, you do not need to cancel and / or delay all of your city buses for slush.  It is also not necessary to affix chains to said buses' tires, especially when this means that the above mentioned modes of public transport are forty-five minutes late and are refusing to let on new passengers. You see, Seattle, some of us Seattleites have jobs that we like to go to, even when it's chilly out. Some of us also come from disadvantaged, single-automobile households and rely on steamy, chained up buses to get to work. They'll do just fine in slush. Some of them do just fine in real snow, too. Yeah, you had to sit down after hearing that one, I know.

But this is not all, dear city. In addition to the above, you should not inform your citizenry, via hysterical local news shows, that they should stay home from work due to the massive amounts (one to two inches) of slush that may still be on the roads at eight a.m after the midnight slushfall. You see, people who really do have to go to work take this as a invitation to drive into each other. You should let them know that clear pavement is not covered in black ice when the temperature is forty degrees.

All of your public schools needn't close. If we'd had "snow days" where I come from, we'd never have had "school days." I would still be a Freshman. My first semester Poli Sci class wouldn't have made it past Machiavelli yet, and I'd still be on the second chapter of Steve Russo's Introductory Chemistry. I'd hate to go back there, Seattle. I really would.

Another interesting fact is that various restaurants and cafes in your area should not close their doors due to "adverse weather conditions". This is especially relevant when the roads outside their establishments are devoid of any precipitation that did not arrive on God's earth in the form of rain.

If you're still a little confused, I've found some pictures in order to illustrate my point:


                                               Snow


                                                 Not snow

I don't mean to sound like a nag, Seattle, but we just can't keep going through winters like this. I love you very much, but you're a fucking joke when it comes to the weather.

Hugs and kisses,

~ Jane