Members login Not a member yet? Sign up
Mike Cardella

Children of the Porn

by Mike Cardella []
Published on 23/1/07 in Sex
There`s only one kind of Planned Parenthood anymore.
Are there still people out there who choose to have kids? 

As I`ve gotten older and sat at the grown up table longer, I've heard stories from how my aunt and uncle consummated their wishes to become parents in the back of a movie theatre, to my grandpa saying he wishes my dad had just been a blow job.  Ah, the magical world of children.  Step right up.

What happened to the use of birth control?  Condoms, pills, menstruation timing... pulling out?  What good is something when the first 3 seconds you spend with them is the most joy they'll bring you for their entire life? 

Everyone who didn't want kids has them and everyone who does want kids can't have them because they were on that high-protein low-carb diet for far too long  (I heard it shrivels like a raisin).

Sick of standing in front of the mirror naked and wondering if your penis is funny-looking limp?  Now, have someone else stare at it with you.

Want all your small insecurities shouted in group gatherings?  Have a child.

And you masochists who have an army of children: was that your goal?  Is that really what you planned?  Not even Danny Bonaduce has that many mistakes. 

...because sometimes, you're supposed to miss.

Tag & Vote

Technorati Technorati Tags:
birth control, Children of the porn, Danny Bonaduce, sex, babies
Social Bookmark:
Submit to Del.icio.us Submit to Digg Submit to Reddit
Vote:
 2.2 (5 votes) Login to vote

Share, it's good for you


Copy and paste the code above to post this story on your MySpace or Blog.

4 Comments

Wanna comment? Signup!

CygnusX1

CygnusX1
"All good things in moderation."

15 brothers and/or sisters is not 'moderate' in any way. Your life as a sibling will suck ass, regardless of what order you came out in.

Being a victim of 'birth control' failure sucks ass too, especially after the 3rd abortion.

And all those urban legends of 'alternative birth control methods' are a crock of shit. Pot may lower your sperm count, but not enough to make a difference. Coke squirted up the vagina after an 'accidental' cream-pie makes the love tunnel sticky, but semen is sticker and does NOT rinse out.

1 kid is a pain-in-the-ass, 2 kids is a 24/7 nightmare, 3 kids, well, I don't know how the hell I'm going to pull it off, but these damnable paternal instincts tell me that I must.

Wait to have kids if at all possible, but don't wait too long. The longer you wait, the less energy your aging body has to keep up with your frenetic bastards. Written on 25/1/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
I like the poster accompanying this article. Written on 26/1/07

RainofAngels

Chris
my mum did it right: have the kids and then go to work all day and most nights. leave the dad/sitter/2nd child to babysit (the 1st, my sister, was useless. She still is, in fact.) I'm not sure she knows what a jaded fucked up 2nd daughter she produced...or a rotten punk ass 3rd child (the first boy, God forbid). Then came the other 2. FIVE KIDS! She's nuts. I'm GOING nuts with one. And my husband wants anotehr? FUCK THAT! Not only does he want a 2nd baby, but he wants it to be a BOY. Like the girl isn't bad enough? HELL NO! Written on 31/1/07

Agata

Agata
"Everyone who didn't want kids has them and everyone who does want kids can't have"
That's a bitter truth of the life my aunt came across. At least, the circumstances forced her to adopt a child.

signature: "Nothing makes you forget about love like sex toys."
Written 3 weeks ago

Wanna comment? Signup!