I'm not one to crap on the parade, bear bad news and whatnot, but:

"On Saturday, Mars' orbit will bring it 43.1 million miles away from Earth, with its closest pass scheduled for 11:25 p.m. EDT.  The two planets -- normally separated by about 140 million miles -- will not be this close again until 2018."
(Source: Alicia Chang - AP Science Writer & Senior Distance Estimator)

Thanks Alicia.  

Mars is going to be uncomfortably close tonight.  So close, you should feel the hot cornbeef breath of that retched planet breathing straight down your nape at 11:30 on the dot.  And as far as straws go, that'll be the last one for me.  I'm tired of Mars' shit.  What the hell is the point of having definitive elliptical paths if Mars, the saddle mule of the galaxy, is just going to bust out of orbit and peek in on my business?  It's called personal space, Mars. 

Another thing: I bet Alicia Chang didn't even interview anyone for that article.  She probably works for some Mars lobbying firm, or the Mars tourism board.  Honestly, have you ever read anything so loaded with pro-Mars discourse?  Me neither.  

I guess this late in the game all we can do is sit, wait, and hope.  Hope that a group of filthy, drunken, and downtrodden Scots will paint their faces blue, fill us all up with machismo, and lead us into battle with the Red Planet.  Hope, indeed.  We'll need all the machismo we can muster, that's for damn sure. 

It's unfortunate, but my gut tells me that come go-time, most people won't have the berries to take on Mars in a fight to the death, with or without the Scots and their passion for battle.  Plus, it's Saturday night and most people probably already have plans. 

But you know what?  Screw most people. 

Most people wouldn't incorporate full-frontal nudity in a homemade anniversary card for their parents.  It's all relative. 

Cheers.