You don't get no health bonus from being vegetarian! So stop it! All of you! Oh, I forgot. The problem is not the healthy nutrition. It's the dignity of animals! How can men be so arrogant to eat those proud animals? Aren't men and animals all equal?
Well, first of all: no. Men and animals are not equal. Animals are animals. That's why we call them animals. Men can sometime be animals. But that's only a rhetorical phrase. The first and most important difference is that animals are stupid. Men aren't that stupid.
I know, there are those clever dolphins (this would be the perfect place to refer to a beloved South Park wisdom: If dolphins are so clever, why do they always ensnarl in drift nets?), but dolphins aren't clever. Sure, they can do some nice tricks, and they're cleverer than most animals. But their intellectual capacity is confined to hunting fish and getting laid – not that much more with the humans, but that little bit makes the difference.
We eat animals because every species on this planet eats what he can get, as long as it is healthy and tasty. And you should make no difference between a pig and a cucumber. Their DNA isn't that different. Vegetarians should get comfortable with the fact that every living creature needs other dead creatures. Even your lovely salad grew on dead and rotten little daisies.
The point is vegetarians are hypocritical plant-Nazis. They only want to protect what they think is cute or beautiful. The extinction of the most futile and half-assed race, the Kakapo, makes them cry like babies but they don't give a shit about the extinction of a bit more unhandsome species like the Proteus Anguinus, the Axolotl, the Malaria mosquito, or Ebola-viruses. That's pure arbitrariness! I really like the Axolotl.
Go into yourself, dear vegetarians. Find the cause for your condition. It is self-importance, stupidity, naivety, and the temptation of group masturbation with other veggies about how much you love nature and animals and flowers and plants and those cute little puppies. You don't get interesting by being a veggie. You only make your mom's life miserable. So stop it. Eat meat. If you want to, take some potatoes as a side dish. And if I still haven't convinced you, if you still – yet knowing the truth – want to be a vegetarian, than please, please, keep it on the low! Always remember: meat is good for you!

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