Hi! My name is Montana Jones, and I made it to the top 24 on American Idol. My name is actually Stephanie, but Stephanie is such a non-star name, so I had to change it to something with a little more pizzazz. Seriously, other than the non-Olsen and non-fat sister from Full House, can you name a famous Stephanie? I can't.

I know, you're thinking "Hey, you must be from Montana if your name is Montana!" Well, you might be shocked to hear this, but I'm actually not from Montana--I'm from Memphis, Tennessee. I really wanted to change my name to Tennessee Jones, but then someone told me that there's already someone famous named Tennessee, and she wrote plays or musicals or whatever, and I didn't want to be known as the other famous Tennessee, so I picked Montana because the Mall of America is there (or some state that starts with M...maybe Maine?), and I soooooooo want to go there someday because OMG it sounds so awesome.

Anyway, I really nailed my first audition in front of the judges with my awesome rendition of Trisha Yearwood's "How Do I Live." Then I got to go to Hollywood Week, and oh my God the girls in my Group Performance group were such bitches. I mean, none of them wanted to go through "Build Me Up Buttercup" a fifteenth time, even though it was only like 3:00 in the morning and we really needed to tighten up our choreography (and by choreography I mean turning and swaying at the same time).

Whatever, those skanks (who so didn't make the cut, so IN YOUR FACE WHORES) were totally fat and ugly...unlike me! I made sure to starve myself so I could be on American Idol--I ate nothing but cottage cheese, Dulcolax, and Red Bull for like six months. I also got a couple of ribs removed. Oh, and I also bought the latest, hippest outfits so I could look super hot while I'm performing. I packed like twenty pairs of skinny leg jeans, twelve chunky belts, four vests, two pairs of Ugg boots, and eighty nine tunic shirts. So yeah, I'm totally ready to look hot onstage.

Like I said, I made it to the top 24, so I really want to do something totally different than all of the other contestants have done. I plan on singing "Hero" by Mariah Carey, because nobody else has tried singing a powerhouse ballad by a diva. I was thinking of singing something by Celine Dion or Whitney Houston, but Mariah Carey is way more contemporary, and that's totally the sound I'm going for. I think I can totally nail the song--no way will it be too big for me to handle, and I think the judges are reeeeeally gonna love it. I mean, how could they not? I'm singing something nobody has ever sung before, and it's a ballad, so I can't possibly fail, right?

Oh, I gotta go--wardrobe's making me change from heels into flats because Ryan Seacrest is whining that he doesn't want me to look taller than him. Anyway, be sure to watch American Idol and vote for me! I'll be the one who looks borderline anorexic, is wearing huge hoop earrings, pants under a dress, and Ugg boots, and will be excitedly holding up four fingers to remind you that I'm 1-866-IDOL-04. That's ZERO FOUR. Four fingers. Nobody else will be flashing their number with their fingers, so I'll be easy to remember. Vote for me!