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Numb

“I Like the Wings”

by Numb []
Published on 26/2/07 in Food & Drink
If I hear “I like the wings” one more time...
I swear to Gawd, if I hear "I like the wings" one more fucking time as a piss-poor excuse...

I will hurt someone.

Let's not be daft, okay?  You go because you like to look at pretty, girls with big tits.  You're a guy - I get it. (Yes, I will use the term "girls," as most of them are still in or fresh-out-of high school.)

Did I say anything about it?  No.
Did I say you were a dirty old man?  No.
Did I tell you I don't like you going?  No.
Did I ask you to stop going?  No.
Did I ask you to simply not treat me as though I am naïve and at least admit that the pretty girls are a reason you go?  Yes.

Admit it and get over yourself.

If you aren't going weekly (hell even monthly is pushing it in my eyes), then no big deal.

If you try to talk me into believing that it isn't discriminating to women or that the pretty girls aren't part of the reason you decide to go there (or in the very least, don't deter you from dining in as opposed to carrying out), that's where I draw the line. 

I am not that naïve.

You would not go if there were men in tight short-shorts walking all around with their peckers directly in your line of sight, every where you glance.  I know you would go at least once or possibly on occasion, but that would be more for the "I am comfortable enough with my feminine side to eat at this establishment," ego-trip bragging rights.

The food.  THE FOOD.

They're, like, the best wings on the planet right?  Wrong.  I have heard from both women who love Hooters to those who don't, men who love Hooters to those who don't.  The wings at Hooters. Are. Not. Good.  So trying to tell me that they are "great" or that they are the only reason you go is bullshit.  "Got that craving for some ‘Hooters Wings,' huh?"  Yeah - I doubt it.  If that were the case, my dear, they sell the sauce at Hy-Vee.  You can also get them to-go : )

If you still don't understand where I am coming from, then I'll pick up my application on the way home today.  Because if you are okay with me dressing and acting the way I would be required to dress and act to get "maximum tips" and keep my job at an establishment such as Hooters, then by all means, you have my utmost approval for going . . .

But you wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore - so why would I care?

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19 Comments

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Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Joke's on you when you find out that he actually does like the wings, and you'll be alone and wingless. Written on 26/2/07

Penelope

Lydia Ramos
Damn this comment made me laugh more than the whole article.... wait what? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around... Written on 26/2/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Brilliant, you know the last time I was in the USA, I went to hooters and liked THE WINGS - didn't really notice the boobs. Of course, I was 'aware' they were there - but I mean really THE WINGS were so good. THE WINGS were tasty, THE WINGS were hot and THE WINGS were all mine.

Hey, every woman on earth has tits - Hooters has THE WINGS.

THE WINGS,
Blitz Written on 27/2/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Homie, I hate to break it to ya, but the wings at HOOTERS unequivocally suck.

The biggest of tits and the tightest of shorts cannot save their shitty, shitty wings from their elephantine amounts of suckitude. Written on 27/2/07

JaneCopland

Jane
This guy doesn't appear to be from from the U.S. and I can guarantee that all us foreigners, no matter where we're from, think that U.S. chicken wings are fan-fuckin-tastic. You have to have been here for a few years before the novelty wears off and you can distinguish between good wings and sucky, Hooters wings.

I am now a huge wing snob. But when I arrived, Hooters would have sufficed just fine. Written on 27/2/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Scott, I invite you to try wings anywhere in the UK. You'll never complain about the wings in Hooters again. I would like to point out that our favorite national cuisines are Curry and Italian - in other words most of our 'traditional' foods carry an extrodinary amount of sucktitude.


If it makes you feel better I've had wings in New Orleans and Memphis and you are right that they put things in perspective - however please refer to my first statement regarding all compaints about Hooters wings. Written on 28/2/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Don't be jealous because you're not a vapid tart. Written on 26/2/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
Interesting- that's exactly what the wings taste like. Written on 26/2/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Nice "The Jerk" reference in your profile! Written on 26/2/07

tpudd

jbc
get a boob job and learn to make your man wings like a good woman and you don't need to worry now do you. Written on 27/2/07

MrStitch

Shawn
There's guys out there that actually claim they go for the food?

I'm a guy... fuck the wings, show me your tits. Written on 27/2/07

JaneCopland

Jane
My one and only trip to Hooters took place in Auburn, Alabama. Hooters in ALABAMA. That was possibly the trashiest day of my entire life.

Yeah, I'm a Seattle snob. I know it. Written on 27/2/07

Here2dispute

Bob Thompson
Obviously guys wouldnt go to Hooters if there were guys walking around in tight pants, because that disgusts us (guys). If the waiter and waitresses at Hooters were normal like ever other restaurant, I would assure you that I would go more often.


For example: buffalo wild wings... the wings are about the same as Hooters' wings and I go to BWW ALL THE TIME.

Obviously guys like Hooters better for the women walking around w/ tight shirts that barely cover up their huge tits and short-ass shorts ...and I guess the wierd tennis and high socks (i still can't figure that out) but we can STILL LIKE THE WINGS

meat = good
wings = meat
wings = good .... Written on 1/3/07

Caio

Caio Pereira
The wings are ok, the boobs are ok, but really.... I like the sense of community. Written on 3/3/07

Woeful

Woeful
Truth be told, I really like their chicken sandwich, it's great! My friend usually gets their crab. He recently commented that he wants to make a T-shirt that reads, "I Got Crab at Hooters" on the front and, "Smell My Finger" on the back... I think it would be a bestseller, but I don't think their marketing team would go for it. Written on 4/3/07

tomEturbo

tom
You should try the grilled chicken or Cobb salads-pretty waitresses are everywhere-I go there because its fun and the food is good Written on 5/3/07

wildizzle

Wil
From the look of that picture North Carolina has some seriously kick-ass wings!

ROCK!

My father put it best to my mother one afternoon when we (My parents and the three grown sons) all dined at Hooters. "See honey," he said motioning to our nubile ASU co-ed waitress, "These are nice girls." Written on 5/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Hey, I watch the men's 100 freestyle at the Olympics. I'm not going to be a hypocrite about boobs and short shorts. Written on 5/3/07

ShawnG

Shawn Gordon
I've never gone "for the wings"... but something doesn't feel quite right about saying "I go for the abundance of camel toe". Written on 19/3/07

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