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Jeff Pollard

The Web Development Clients' 10 Commandments

by Jeff Pollard []
Published on 5/3/07 in Web
Before you hire some company to redo your website, take a moment to read the 10 most important things for you to understand about that process. Charlton Heston free!
I've been working in web design/development for a long time now, both as a hobby and as a profession.  During my tenure, I've grown to understand a lot about how this industry works, most of which seems totally lost on the clientel that walks through the door.  They seem to think that through some sort of black magic, a lot of clicking, a white board, 45 minutes, and a kazoo I will make them this killer website.  Sorry, not true.
  1. I am your web designer -- not your tech support, guidance counselor or mother
    As stated on my business card and website, I am a web developer.  That's it.  I don't take calls after hours to talk about what you should write on your blog.  Nor do I help you make tech-related purchases at Best Buy.  And even though you insisted that I build you a website that allows you to make content changes via templated HTML files, I am NOT tech support and will not walk you through setting up your FTP in Dreamweaver or explain why it "doesn't work."  Sorry.

  2. You are not my best client
    I'll let you in on a little secret: here is the order of clients web developers prefer, from best to worst.  See where you fit in and then judge your tone and attitude with me based on it.
    1. Themselves
    2. Their parents
    3. Their best friend
    4. Other businesses
    5. Their friends they "kinda like"
    6. Lawyers
    7. Person who made their old site
    8. Mom and Pop stores
    9. Dentists
    10. Dentists who also are their friend

  3. The phrase "ASAP" will be treated with a grain of salt
    At my old job we met with this long-term client of ours for our monthly "Here is our new killer idea for our site" meeting.  At that meeting, the company CEO (#11 on the list of best clients) said they were having a meeting with investors to potentially take on some more funding, since they had yet to make a profit in 3 years.  As a result, they needed some bad-ass custom codded CMS portal system to show the investors the company was "serious."  Oh, and they needed it ASAP --  in 48 hours.  According to the CEO, the CMS was critical to the success of this meeting.  Thus, my coworkers and I worked 2 full days to deliver them what they asked for.  We emailed them the link, they replied to it a week later, saying they never got to it at the meeting.  Balls.

  4. The phrase "I heard on the radio that..." shall never be used to make decisions
    At that same meeting listed above, one of the employees of said company spoke up.  "I heard on the radio this morning that unless your website has a blog, you're nothing."  Well you know what?  I heard on the radio that unless your company turns a profit, you're nothing as well!

  5. Websites don't write themselves
    I can't tell you how many times I've walked a client through the beta of their new website, and had them ask, "What's all this 'Loruuum ip...ip...ip-sum text?"  I tell them it's the dummy text until they provide us the content to fill it (which is also stated in the contract they signed).  Their usual response is, "I thought you were going to do that!"  No, no we're not.  We're the web developers.  We don't know your business, customers, what text you want on our site, or anything like that.  We don't write copy.  I swear, people think that when a web development company makes a website for you, somehow it automagically gets filled with the perfect content.

  6. Your concept of time is horribly skewed
    Just face it, you know nothing about the web design industry.  As far as you're concerned, I just draw every page on your site in paint, paste it into a PowerPoint presentation, go to File -> Save As,  and select the "Web" option.  Conversely, I don't claim to know anything about your business (see #5).  So don't assume changing the CMS powering your site should only take me a few hours.  Also, don't assume the 5 minutes to change the text in a template as proof that it is possible to work faster than I am.

  7. Your website shall not: play music, have a (flash) intro, snow, or use the marquee tag.
    I stopped doing those things in 1995, and you should too.

  8. I will be specific with my requests
    When you email me your HTML email template created in MS Word as a "starting point," don't feel bad (and then stay late after the meeting to talk with my boss) about how I "didn't follow your instructions." Especially when you want me to use your EXACT graphic: an ugly & pixelated open briefcase full of money.

  9. I will trust my web developer
    The reason you hired me is not to do busy work or cause I seem to have the "codes" to get your website on all the "internets."  You hired us cause this is our industry and we know what works and what doesn't.  What looks good and what doesn't look good.  So don't get so fed up with our gorgeous layout and take it upon yourself hack it to death with Paint Shop Pro.  It's really irritating.  Also, stop trying to make your new website look like your old one!  You hired us for a reason!

  10. I will pay for my website
    No, I won't make your website for you for free.  I already have plenty of other clients and am not struggling so much that I have enough free time to spend a week developing your website that sells "edgy" t-shirts.  For FREE!  Nor will I do work for you in return for a portion of your profit/sales, especially if you're not already an established business.  It's amazing how 20% of $1,000 doesn't really even begin to get me close to making rent.

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25 Comments

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sassywriter

Danita
Amazingly accurate. I read this with so much laughter...mostly at my clients and recognizing them. THANK YOU! haha Written on 5/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
Thanks! I know how you feel though, everything in this article actually has happened to me. Written on 5/3/07

wildizzle

Wil
First let me say that this was a decent article with more potential than was eventually realized by the text above. It is difficult to convey your annoyance over the lack of education your clients posses regarding your work when you're using broken English to do so. That's where you officially lost me. Starting with your first bold declaration that, "I am you web designer" -- YOUR web designer, YOUR. Did you read your article before you submitted it? The rest is peppered with little grammar gems like this one... (now watch me fall on my face. Where are the spelling police to beat me up now too?)

Also, about midway through the article it becomes clear this is only a rant over one recent sh**ty client you had... Unfortunately, I have found a lot of your experiences to have been extremely common with my own until recently. The problem you have, and I had, was that rather than educate our clients we'd rather bitch about how dumb they are.

Instead you should try to educate them on the process, break it down into individual steps for them, things they can wrap their brains around. Even if they don't follow the specifics they will understand how involved the project is afterward. Give actual numbers (low-ball and high-ball hourly estimates) to your clients, don't expect them to guess. If they expect it to take you only a few minutes by the time you leave the meeting it is your fault for not educating them in what is involved and how much time it will actually take.

When a project is stalled due to a client not having some "About Us" or other common corporate content simply ask them to bring copies of old print brochures to a meeting and ask them what copy they like... You can then either take things verbatim or use this text as a launching pad for discussion and the creation of new content more geared for the web. By the end of one **billable** meeting with your client you have shown them why they came to you in the first place. Instead you probably hung up with them laughing about what a moron they were and left your client, who has never made a website, wondering what they need to write. "Read the effing contract Jackass!" That's not a recipe for repeat business.

The client should understand what is going to happen, where the content comes from, what you need to do, and what they need to do before ink touches that contract... If they don't know these things it is as much our fault if not more so...

Aren't we the hired experts? Written on 5/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
I did read that article before I wrote it, along with having someone else look it over. So sorry we missed that (rather large) one.

In response to your other couple paragraphs. This is writen about 5 annoying clients. And we educated our clients, oh believe me we did. When someone didn't know they needed to write copy for the site, we nicely told them, and as you suggested asked them for any other literature they made have had.

The main point of all of this, and what I was writing about, is the mindset that people have with web design contracts. Clients seem to take a back seat and expect everything to be done for them, or, they want the grab the steering wheel and not let go. It really should be somewhere in the middle. Written on 5/3/07

wildizzle

Wil
I feel ya, man, perhaps I read in a tone that I too recall from such times in my career.

Just my 2 cents... friends? :D Written on 5/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
Friends! :-D Written on 5/3/07

bugmenot

UnBugged
Addition to #7: Your website shall not automatically play (a) video clip(s), especially on the home page, of course unless you are youtube or something. Written on 5/3/07

Daniel

Daniel
I relate to each point but #5.

It may not be your job to write the website copy but it is your job to know your client's business. Possibly not well enough to write the copy for their website but you shouldn't be stating unequivocally that you don't know their business or its customers. You don't know my business? Well, sorry - you don't build my website.

Point #9 suggests you have some role in the design of the website - you claim to know "What looks good and what doesn't look good." How can you design a website without understanding what copy is to be published on the website? Better website designs account for the amount and types of website content, including copy.

Following sound IA and UI design principles, the client should be fully aware of their copy requirements before you insert your first line of 'lorem ipsum'. Written on 6/3/07

NextExile

Serg Brathwaite
Oh boy, that was awesome, you should add something about "Just make something kickass/sexy/awesome/fresh/unique" tho. I think that one is the biggest pain in the ass. :D Written on 11/3/07

marty

Marty
Uh, is it just me, or did wildizzle and Daniel just miss the point by hundreds of miles?

This article is a piece of humourous writing. It's meant to be funny - lighten up a little! Written on 12/3/07

Markus

Markus
And then there is...

"If you do a good job and give me a good rate I can recommend lots of my friends that need websites."

Ya, I'll do a good job, but you'll have to pay the same rate as everyone else. Be sure to tell your freinds just the same.
Those never materiazlize.

And of course there is the ol' "tack on" after an agreement.
Which I deal with by anything that takes more than 10 minutes justifies a new agreement being drawn up. Suddenly those "tack ons" aren't so important when they aren't free. Written on 12/3/07

FDGWeb

Tom Granger
Ok, as one of Jeff's former employers on his meteoric rise to stardom I have to chime in in support of the article. (And thank you for not blowing your non-dosclosure with specific examples...)

While it is probably a "smart idea" for a Developer to get to know their client's business for the long term - it isn't "required work" unless they want to pay for consulting and your research. If you walk into an Attorney or Accountant's office and tell them they need to immediately learn the in's and out's of your business off-the-clock in order for you to be their client - they will laugh. Then they will bill you for the time spent laughing.

What Jeff is railing against is clients who push back or make trouble because you do not have some innate knowledge of their business or practices. That comes in time and only through a mutual respect between client and customer - both of which have an obligation to learn how to work with one another. These clients are also the ones who usually cannot even make up their own content - which is why they get frustrated when their developer or designer cannot just "make something up" when it comes to product pages, etc.. and have it be perfect every time.

Great cliches' in the comments by the way...

Check out this client cliche flash game for a little therapy...

http://www.templatekit.com/tstore/wrapper.php?file=propgame.htm
Written on 13/3/07

typical

Ben McCloskey
One thing that I have dealt with lately is the whole SEO/CPC discussion. Like when the client says "When a person who just moved to town is searching for 'atlanta real estate' I want to be in the top 3 results." I then have to get into the difference between SEO and actual paid advertisements. Some people think that everything is going to be included. Kind of a hairy conversation, especially when the other guy in the room boasts: "When you search 'Jeremiah Nordstrom Wig Retailers of the South' I am number ONE and I don't pay anything!'"

Yeah. Written on 16/3/07

fatback

Francis
Oh My God. (I said that out loud so I felt the need not to txt-ilize it). SEO may be the toughest thing to educate clients (anyone?) on (besides scripting, that is: "Why can't I have an ecommerce store with 500 products and custom images by the weekend? Is it that you don't know how to do it?")

I'm a(n) SEO by trade and besides being super sexy and all ABOUT some SERP's, I know how hard it is to convince brand managers WHO WANT TO SPEND MONEY ON SEO, what SEO really is ...and isn't. So, I know the look of utter disbelief when $1000.00 Template monster local web design client asks you why, when they type in "florists", they are not #1 in Google. My eyes have literally rolled out of my head. True story.

No amount of..."but you see...it's not that simple's" can stop them from the:

Blink...Bink.Blink. "So how long will it take for me to be #1 in google?"

{...slices wrists right on whimsical arrangement of calla lilies with a delightful splash of color from boxwood and bittersweet}

I feel you... Written on 28/3/07

scandata

Mike Kohnke
Awesome. This one's getting forwarded to my friends in the business. Written on 18/3/07

bitekleta

Raul
This is the sad fact for us developers. Thanks for posting! You're point made me feel that I'm not alone. HAHAHA Written on 23/3/07

L10_Chris

ChrisSloan
I swear you must be working with our clients; I will say that most will display one of those traits, many have several and a few have done them all. Written on 27/3/07

slamb

Stacey
#6 made me laugh so hard I cried. Whew, I needed that. Written on 3/4/07

greg420blues

greg altuna
I had to sign up just so I could make a comment! GREAT reading ... in fact, I think I'm going to print this out and give to all my clients.

I thought it would be nice to share with ya my favorite question that all clients ask ... it's along the same lines as Item #6:

"Well can't you just (insert lengthy programming request here)?"

Why is it that clients think that it's easy to just "add" anything into their site just because they've seen it on someone else's 1996 site? Ugh, makes me want to puke every time I hear it.

1. Well can't you just add a listing of all the clients in my database?

2. Well can't you just make a new area that shows all their past orders?

3. Well can't you just make it to where they can log in to the site?


geez.

greg altuna
browncomedia.com
Written on 6/4/07

DocZayus

DocZayus
I'm gonna save the link to this page and give it to all my future clients.

Thanks for the good read!

DocZayus
http://www.doczayus.com Written on 6/4/07

didesign

Dynamic Imaginations
Definitely true all of them in all countries,it's same shit Written on 10/4/07

taj

Travis
Ha! I'm going to have my clients read this as part of the contract... thanks for taking the time to post it. I started to get the impression that you were a little agitated! =) Written on 12/4/07

AmandaMiller

Amanda Miller
And all this time I thought it was just my clients. Nice additions Markus and fatback. Written on 17/10/07

sunkorg

M
I remember Flash in 1995, but it wasn't called that: it was called "FutureSplash."

Thank goodness today people use MP3's for their crappy background music instead of MIDI files. That's progress.
Written on 28/11/07

jdfreelance

Joe
I seriously cannot believe it, I've only been with like two clients now for the past month or so and they've all done a handful of all of this. I think im going to make a link to this on my site.

The stuff clients do , really DO piss me off. If they want me to learn their business, learn mine first biotch haha. Written on 20/12/07

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