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Rebecca Kelley

Fun Facts About Ann Coulter

by Rebecca Kelley []
Published on 5/3/07 in People
Sure, you hate Ann Coulter. But do you really know her? We've provided some neat bits of trivia about our favorite right-wing nutjob in order to get to know the (7%) woman inside the beast.
We all know that Ann Coulter is a dead-eyed, soulless lunatic, but do we know her as a (marginally) human being? Of course not: shame on you! Don't feel bad, though, because here at Drivl we practice the "Know Thy Enemy" mentality, so we thought we'd do some research on our favorite Conservative skeleton to see if we can trudge up any interesting facts about her that make her seem more appealing. Lo and behold, we present to you ten fun facts about Ann Coulter:
  1. Ann is 25% chupacabra. Neat! That makes her almost sorta Mexican! Now she can hate 1/4 of herself!
    chupacabra

  2. When she walks her joints make a sound similar to biting into peanut brittle. Who doesn't like peanut brittle? It's delicious!

  3. Sadly, per the Anti-Satanic Spawn Act of 1974, Ann Coulter is not allowed to produce any sort of offspring, human or otherwise. (Which is just as well, since her uterus was recently found to be slightly more inhospitable [and frigid] than Antarctica. Seriously, not even a cockroach can survive in there. Oh, plus her milk glands can only produce what has been described as a mixture of bile and Sunny Delight.)
    anncoulterandherhostile

  4. Her favorite song is "Dem Bones Dem Bones." Who knew?
    bonyanncoulter

  5. Holy Cyclops, Batman! Ann Coulter is the only creature on this planet that can stare directly at a solar eclipse without incurring any damage...

  6. ...however, if she stares at a cross she'll melt like the Nazis who looked directly at the Ark of the Covenant. Toooooo bad.
    meltingnazi

  7. Ann has admitted to having some work done, which I think is very honest of her to do so. In fact, you have to admit that she looks a lot better than this artist's interpretation of what she would look like without plastic surgery:
    cryptkeeper

  8. Sometimes (I'm guessing 25% of the time, on account of her partial chupacabraness) Ann Coulter is a guest writer for Mind of Mencia. You just know she brings the funny on that show!

  9. Some of Ann's hobbies include eating babies for temporary soul replenishment, skinning and tanning roadkill, and decoupage.

  10. She got her first kiss at the age of fourteen (awwww, isn't that sweet)...unfortunately, her boyfriend at the time learned the hard way that she can only kiss somone "Species" style:
    specieskiss
See, Ann Coulter's not so bad, right? She tries to have hobbies and strengths and weaknesses just like any other human being!

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11 Comments

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ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
It's nice to see that even one of the most reprehensible human beings on the planet has a soft side.

Gawd she's vile. I bet her vagina is like the Sarlacc pit in Return of The Jedi.

Anne Coulter's Sarlacc Vagina Written on 5/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
That is AWESOME. Written on 5/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
eeeeeeyikes Written on 5/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
How scary is the massive following she has, though? Her fans laugh at her calling John Edwards a faggot and 9/11 widows whores (or whatever slur she leveled at them), and yet they get upset when we point out the Adam's Apple that would scratch diamonds. Written on 5/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
How can you guys say these things about the woman who will become a man, then a cop, then a robot, then protect us from Red Foreman and ED-209?
Written on 7/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Good Christ, that's accurate. Written on 8/3/07

Markus

Markus
Who knew Ann was this much fun?

She's still the rectally inseminated succubus we've all learned to love, yet I can't help but feel closer to her. After years of "wisdom" from Ann, I thought I knew her. Only now do I see that I was completely wrong. Thanks Drivl! Written on 12/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Wait, I thought succubi were supposed to be bewitchingly seductive...

I doubt she could seduce a chupathingy, much less a human being.

Note: by human being, I mean one with thoughts, not one of the zombies who goes "Support our troops...Support our troops...Support our troops" Written on 13/3/07

Aleks

Aleksandar Pajic
What is this "Ann Coulter" thing? Does it do any tricks? Written on 14/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
It's mostly useful in getting Republicans to think it's brilliant. Written on 21/3/07

MC_10-56

Joshua Paddock
I'm willing to stake my change jar that in a few months this big scathing secret about Anne Coulter will come out, ala Ted Haggard. Like, her jilted 300 pound Samoan biker ex-girlfriend will sell grainy 13 year old photos of them at an Indigo Girls concert with Anne holding a giant spliff in one hand and flashing the peace sign in the other.

Or better yet, her emoployment file from when she volunteered at a Planned Parenthood clinic.

God I hate this bitch for being such a hateful bitch. Written on 21/3/07

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