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Scott Willoughby

Oh God, I'm Gonna Toile!!

by Scott Willoughby []
Published on 13/3/07 in Culture
Toile...it's not just for Grandma's bedspread anymore. Help Drivl make Toile the hip new way to say 'puke'
Toile (pronounced 'twahll') is, perhaps, the most disgusting pattern for bedding, curtains, upholstery and other remnants of Grandma's retirement palace that has ever existed.  Wikipedia describes Toile as: a type of decorating pattern consisting of a white or off-white background on which a repeated pattern depicting a fairly complex scene, generally of a pastoral theme such as (for example) a couple having a picnic by a lake. The pattern portion consists of a single colour, most often black, dark red, or blue.

This is Toile:

Thomasville Bedding


At least that's what Toile was. We here at Drivl have decided that since Toile has both the look and onomotopoetic quality of a freshly spewed pile of vomit, this is what Toile will be from now on:

Croscill Bedding

Yes, "Toile" is the newest, hippest, most disturbingly accurate way to describe the act of puking, vomiting, throwing-up, huckin', chuckin', or delivering a street-pizza.  We're counting on you, dear readers, to help us make this happen. Just think, in a short time, Toile will be part of the pop-culture lexicon and you will be one of the few, the proud, the Drivl-y that made it happen!

Here are a few easy examples of how you can fit "Toile" into your everyday vocabulary and help change the face of modern slang:

"Dude, you look pretty drunk, are you gonna Toile?"
"That bitch is so skinny, I bet she makes herself Toile after every meal."
"If I eat anymore, I'll Toile."
"I was so sick, I was Toileing all day."
"Did you see those pics of Britney's vag? I almost Toil'd"
"Have fun on your trip to India, all you'll do is shit and Toile the whole time."

See! It's easy!  We're gonna do it together, folks, you and us, we're gonna make this happen.  We shall put Toile on the tip of every tongue from here to the Sudan! The airwaves shall run yellow/green with rivers of Toile! Viva la revolucion!!

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Drivl, Vomit, Puke, Bedding, Curtains, Toile
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15 Comments

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contentmuse

contentmuse
The revolution has begun. This weekend my friends and I went to Cooters which is a b-rated, not-as-sumptuous version of Hooters where the motif is hiring obese women to wear skin-tight spandex shorts and to take turns struttin' their stuff on the reinforced stage. The aesthetic may not be so enjoyable, but mmmm those wings... So anyway, our waitress Alexis (bet you didn't think obese girls had names like that) was sporting a baby-tee stating, "My Milkshake Makes All the Boys Wanna Toile." True story, honest. Well, okay- I don't have friends. Written on 13/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Scott, did you and Brandon ask each other if "Jane was going to toile" last time we went out drinking?

Because I did :( Written on 13/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Everybody have fun tonight!
Everybody Wang Chung tonight!
Everybody toile chunks tonight! Written on 13/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Dont hate on India just cos ur immune systems cant cope with anything except highly sterile environments...

And ur taste buds cant cope with anything except sage, parsely, and oregano...

And u lack the reflexes to drive like we do...

Where's the love? :( Written on 13/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
I can't speak for Scott, but I love Indian food...I'm just not sure that if I were in India my digestive system would love, as you put it, "anything except highly sterile environments." Written on 13/3/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
I've got to agree with Rebecca on this one: I love Indian food, but I don't think my system could handle India's water, much the way "Indians" couldn't handle European blankets (thanks Smallpox).

That said, nothin' but love for ya! Written on 13/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Thank you. That makes me a happy panda :) Written on 13/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I haven't been to India, but when we went to Jamaica my Dad drank the water and was fine. And we were staying in the dodgy part of Kingston, too, where the murders are.

But that's another story
.. Written on 13/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
I grew up there. After coming to the US, I have yet to be sick. Ive been here for six years now. Everytime a virus is like "Umm, i would like to stay here a while, before I infect the next person". My B-cells are like "Fuck off troll."

The only downside is I have to lie everytime someone makes food for me.
"How's it taste?"
(How should I know? I can't taste anything) "Good"
"Really? I was so worried there wasn't enough spice for you"
(Damn right) "Oh no, don't worry. It's perfect" Written on 13/3/07

coffeeguru

Brandon E
like, when brandon shoots whiskey when he isn't ready, he toile's all over the place. Written on 13/3/07

alen3k

Alen Todorov
Finally an artcel on drivl which isnt funny Written on 14/3/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
Finally, a comment that is so misspelled it's almost illegible! Written on 14/3/07

Marcelo

Marcelo Jenisch
You should read his other ones before thinking this one illegible. Written on 14/3/07

Marcelo

Marcelo Jenisch
I'm taking some pills for my stomach, and today for some reason I completely forgot that I took them already and I took them again. So I have been wanting to toile for a long time already. I almost couldn't hold it after reading this article.

I'm toile-free for 6 years, damn it! You would lose a daily visitor if I really had toil'd. Written on 14/3/07

Scandalnavia

Scandalnavia
I love the Technorati tags for the article. Add "Alcohol" and "Pizza" and it sounds like Saturday night at Scandy's place. Written on 20/3/07

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