The advertisements, oh how they haunt me.

"Lazer correction! Because glasses are so 1994, moron! Why are you still wearing glasses?! Didn't we tell you to get lazer correction?!"

I'm pretty sure I'm exagerating about the whole 1994 thing, but with all the ads I can't tell.

To be blunt, I wear glasses, and I look fucking hot in them. At least, that's what my wife told me. Or maybe she said "they look good" and I was drinking. Hm.

Oddly, it wasn't long after my glasses that I started hearing more advertisements on the radio about lazer correction. It's only 6 months worth of payments on my car per eye, and god damnit, I don't have to deal with these pesky glasses. I mean, they just sit there.

I looked at how they do lazer correction. It looks like something out of The Matrix, or Johnny Mnemonic, or whatever Keanu Reeves movie you like the least. Maybe it's out of Speed, I don't know.

It needs to stop.

Yes, I realize that I could have perfect vision, but, people would probably start punching me all the time. You can't hit people with glasses. And, I couldn't 'break' my glasses and stay off work for a few days because I can't see past 5  feet without everything pulling a bad blur on me.

My glasses have saved me from exactly 5 "boiling spaghetti sauce in my cornea" accidents, 8 "unclogged toilet matter on my eyebrows" mishaps and 9 "that's not clean shit that will probably scar my face"  catastrophes.

Some poor sap is going to go get lazer correction, walk out the door, then get hit with seagull shit right smack in the face and probably die. Because that stuff burns through steel and can hold a spaceship together.