Admittedly, I don't know anything about Al Gore, except that he was almost the President once. But really, who wants the Vice President to be the Real President? Nobody. (At least not lately. Theodore Roosevelt didn't do too bad a job. A VP like him makes people want to shoot the President.) If we wanted Al to be the President, we would have elected him the first time around. Vice Presidents are pretty much just Presidents' bitches. That's why John Edwards won't be president, but I digress.

Al Gore is looking really old lately. He likens global warming to lighting a baby's crib on fire and people apparently call him "the Goracle." Someone today called him a "prophet" on TV, and he thinks people in the future will ask questions "in God's name." I didn't even know Al believed in God, but now it looks as though he is starting his own religion.

Why not? He's already been a Congressman, a Senator, a Vice President (Presidential Bitch), and an Academy Award winner. Modern-day global warming prophet is the natural progression for a man of such caliber. Plus, he flies in private jets and has a huge mansion in Nashville. Oops. I almost forgot that he's written a best-selling book and has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. He also apparently has a zinc mine. So what if he's getting a little jowly?? So what if he's obsessed with comparing the Earth to a baby on fire?

I'm thinking...this has to be the single greatest comeback by a failed presidential candidate ever. One day, he's the most famous unemployed person on the planet, and the next (ok, ok, it's been a few years....) he's being called a prophet and getting famous as a filmmaker.

I looked into the whole "vice presidents who tried to get elected to President" thing and practially died at my computer (research is hard...so much clicking and reading and thinking....) out of sheer boredom. I can't even think of more than just a few vice presidents' names off the top of my head, and that's not just because I can't remember anything that happened more than five minutes ago....it's also because these men were pretty much completely uninteresting.

So, even though Czech President Vaclav Klaus thinks he's a communist, I think I might be developing a passing interest in Al Gore. I almost considered getting Netflix to mail me a DVD of his movie "An Inconvenient Truth," and I am suddenly thinking a lot more about zinc and its role in helping all of us avoid a bad sunburn. I'm not saying I'm going to join Al's new religion--that's fricking crazy talk--but I can see him convincing whole subgroups of oppressed Americans to call him a prophet....

Al Gore...I've got my eye on you.