Allow me to explain. Water Polo is freakin' brutal. You may be skeptical as to just how much experience I bring to the topic. Well listen, uh, ya you've got me there. A hot game during NCAA division 3 swimming practice or UW-Oshkosh Intramural Water Polo(same peeps) can't quite compare to international play...at all. But I think I can still speak the language. For the sake of realism I have decided to guide you through an imaginary game of water polo.
So imagine you have been sprinting around the diving well for about 45 minutes chasing a yellow ball mostly without success. Every muscle in your body is fatigued and that's the whole point. No pain no glory...err...don't forget that you don't care that it's only intramural water polo as long as you get to dominate your friends. In fact you are currently holding one of your good friends under the water like any good Water Polo 'Enforcer' would do. Ah yes. Domination.
Yet you find yourself in an internal debate. He hasn't had the ball now for at least twenty seconds. Then again he didn't pay the five bucks for the beer at your last kegger so you might as well punish the sneaky bastard. But for God's sake you can't KILL the guy so you decide to let him up. As he weakly claws his way to the surface you can tell there was a reason he was frantically squirming about and elbowing you in the groin before you let him go. Oh well. While you're swimming away you silently savor the sound of your friend gasping for air and hacking up a lung full of water. Haha! Domination! Well, no, not just yet.
You're team is losing and you have no clue where the ball is anymore so you look around for it. You have just enough time to start thinking, "Ahhhh shit...," as it skips off the water and crashes into your face. Now remember, it's not much harder than a volleyball but it still hurts because it's you're nose and the guy that threw it can throw an 85 mph fastball during summer city league baseball. Amidst the collective, "ohhhhh," of your friends, you dunk under the water so no one notices your eyes filling up with tears. You rub your beak a little to make sure it's not broken and then you come up for air. Well good news it isn't broken, and it seems that the game has paused for a moment so that you can re-collect your manhood. But before you can take a deep breath and get your head back in the game, one of the life guards produces some genuine empathy and says......
"Oh my God gross he's got a huge booger!" You casually wipe the snot off of your upper lip as if it doesn't bother you in the slightest that she will now always think of you as the Goober Faced dude that got punked in the face. Well in all honesty you look ridiculous in that stupid water polo cap anyway and the worst is still on it's way. As if you didn't know it was going to happen, your nearly deceased friend catches you off guard. Damn you really need to work on your water polo instincts, because Karma is addicted to you like crack.
You're friend is quite a bit stronger with all the hatred he now feels for you, since you almost killed him, and on top of that it's only been three seconds since you felt like crying to your Mommy. You fight back but you sadly realize that you are no Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Finally, just as you hear your long dead Grandmother telling you that she saw you steal your Cousin Charlie's Cobra Commander when you were eight, and that you're, "in big trouble when you get up here Mister," your friend pulls you up by your arm and let's you breath sweet sweet chemically loaded pool air. Near death experience out of the way, you finally manage a smile and you fist bump your savior/assailant as if to say, "that was awesome dude we almost killed each other and I can't wait to party later." Then you notice that everyone else has gone on with the game. The action draws near you, and you once again try to suck it up and join the fray. But before you can, your friend takes off churning the water and inadvertantly catches you in the nuggs with a stray heel. And to think. You actually enjoy this insanity.
Now international play is a little more controlled but just LOOK at that lady! I'm sure there is all kinds of brutality going on under the water. An elbow to the breast. A knee to the hammy. Un-trimmed toe nails slicing away at anything that comes too close. And my favorite move as illustrated by the Hungarian lady, peeling a woman's face off so she can't see the ball anymore! Cross the line? Only long enough to kiss a few babies at the press conference set up to celebrate your brutal, cold hearted victory!
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tiburonbite
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