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Scott Willoughby

American Idol's Sanjaya Must Be Stopped

by Scott Willoughby []
Published on 28/3/07 in Television
Seriously, America, you have got to be fucking kidding me...
A mohawk. A FUCKING MOHAWK! My fellow Americans (as well as any cheating bastards phoning in from the Indian sub-continent), Sanjaya Malakar must be stopped.  He has somehow managed to shriek his way into the top 10 via what I can only assume is a strange and dark pact with Satan and/or Kali. 

Molaram

There is no fucking way anybody on this Earth actually believes he deserves to still be on American Idol. It's not possible. I refuse to believe it.  Oh sure, there are those people who believe the weekly train-wreck that is Molaram Malakar's performance is the best part of the show because it is consistantly so laughably bad.  But those people don't usually vote and, if their sense of irony is that in-tune, I would think they're too intelligent to pick up their phones and support this monstrosity.

After weeks, and weeks, and weeks of horrendous imitations of bad high-school talent shows, even the judges have finally given up: After last night's performance of "Bathwater," Randy and Simon both essentially said that they couldn't say anything positive about him anymore and criticism seemed mystifyingly pointless as neither Sanjaya, nor America, listen.  The judges clearly think he should've been voted off long ago and probably flog themselves as penance for putting him in the Top 24 in the first place.  Even the hair and makeup people seem to be trying to get him off the show.  The bizarre, terrifying, multi-tufted faux-hawk Sanjaya was "rockin" last night was patently ridiculous.

  Sanjaya Mohawk

The hair people on Idol are pros. They know damn well that nobody outside of Tina Turner in "Thunderdome" can rock that hair.  As his hair has seemed to be his source of power, the hair people must've thought that if they could turn it against him, we could all be rid of him once and for all...let's pray their plan works.

Singing competition, beauty pageant, popularity contest, no matter what you think American Idol is, Sanjaya must go! He manages to butcher every song in every genre that he comes near, he looks fucking ridiculous and (especially with his new, cocky attitude) he's a jackass!  So, America, I urge you to vote. Vote for someone, anyone (hell, vote for everyone) EXCEPT Sanjaya. And you're on notice, India. It's American Idol.  I'm no jingoist but when foreign countries start fuckin' with my prime-time, the trigger finger gets twitchy. The American Idol phone bank is one call center we don't need outsourced to Banglapur.

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15 Comments

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JaneCopland

Jane
Oh God, Scotty, your last sentence makes me laugh. That's probably the keenest observation anyone's ever made on this site.

I've never watched a whole season of Idol before, so this is the first time I've watched the progression of the singers from the auditions to the top-ten. I remember Sanjaya and I feel so retarded that I initially supported him. I thought, "send the kid to Hollywood. He's not that bad. And he's a local."

If only I could go back to that fateful day on the couch. I'd be screaming, "SEND HIM BACK TO FEDERAL WAY!"

To think that at least three very talented singers have been shafted because of that creepsicle. On the plus side, the StarvingForSanjaya girl has lost fourteen pounds. Soon she'll be as skinny and creepy as SM himself. Written on 28/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
Sanjaya should take up a job as a singing anesthesiologist at a dentist's office. His voice will put countless wisdom teeth extraction patients in a deep slumber. I recommend he start by serenading Jordin Sparks to sleep while a dentist pulls out the eighteen extra teeth she has in that mouth of hers. Written on 28/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I have to say, though... I think Chris Sligh sucked more than Sanjaya last night. Sanjaya was at least entertaining for his shittiness; Chris S was just a sad disappointment. For the guy I thought had a good chance of going at least to the top four or five, I think CS is on the way out. Written on 28/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
I don't watch American Idol but I can understand it's appeal. I like live music and particularly enjoy the parade of delusion that they trot out on camera for people to point and laugh at.

What bothers me is the damage it's doing to music.

The other day I was in my front yard, plucking on the guit-box. My neighbor who is about 17 and an aspiring "musician" walked up. I was absent-mindedly strumming You Really Got Me by the Kinks. He recognized it and said, "Oh, you know that Sanjaya song?". I said, "Who's Sanjaya?", thinking it might be a local band or something. He explained that Sanjaya is an American Idol. By the time I realized he was talking about some asshat on a bad keraoke show, I was already screaming at him to get the fuck off my porch. Written on 28/3/07

Rebecca

Rebecca Kelley
When he accidentally throws a frisbee or ball in your yard, do you scream, "I'm keeping this! It's mine now!" as well? Written on 28/3/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
Yes. And whenever they break into my house and solve a crime, i tell the police "I would have got away with it too if it weren't for these damn, meddling kids!". Written on 28/3/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Oh Christ Jesus, say it ain't so! You should've wailed the kid upside the head with your guitar...except you might have hurt your guitar. Written on 28/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Sweet Jesus, he thought Sanjaya wrote that song?! Or that someone wrote it for him?!

*cries* Written on 28/3/07

GreggD

Gregg Dickson
There's a simple answer for the conspiracy theorists...it is a conspiracy:
http://www.votefortheworst.com/ Written on 28/3/07

Nosmik

Kimson
But if I stop voting for him, who's gonna put this girl out of her toile misery? Written on 28/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I've never seen such a lame excuse for an eating disorder. The rest of us just starve ourselves for bikini season. Written on 28/3/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Sanjaya's not even in the bottom three. I think I'll stop watching right now :) Written on 28/3/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Let me assure you. No Indian voted for him. Most likely they saw a picture of him and suddenly died from excessive cephalic pressure.
That said, how hard would it be to put a bullet thru his head. I mean, whatever security he has would thank you profusely for putting them out of their misery. Written on 29/3/07

Snyds

Ryan Snyder
What??? Look, I think American Idol is a utterly ridiculous, and the fact that it has taken over American television is embarrassing. After watching the loser's who actually think they have a shot a stardom flame out, the show should not even be considered watchable by intelligent viewers. Yet, as the Sanjaya saga has crept out of the cult and into my life, I can't help but root for the guy. Why? Because it displays what a joke the show is. I hope he wins, and I just might vote for him! Written on 2/4/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Please use apostrophes correctly. Written on 2/4/07

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