It all started three months ago at the local Mexican restaurant, Happy Habaneros (or, as many of my manly pals like to call it, "Hottie Habaneros," due to the excessive amount of hot chicks that work there).  My friends Joe, Brandon, and I had just finished a delectable lunch of burritos, nachos, and other flatulent agents of doom.  We were piddling around outside when suddenly, a shiny gold wrapper caught our eye.

Me: "Is that a condom?"
Joe: "Looks like it.  I think it's a Magnum."
Me: "It's still in the wrapper!  Let's play with it!"
Joe: "You're fuckin' weird."

And play with it we did.  I unwrapped the package and stared at this beast of a prophylactic in front of me.  I didn't know what man was the possessor of these massive magnums, but I wanted to find him and possibly get his phone number.  After some time the magnum became boring, so I tied it around the antenna on Joe's car and threw the wrapper into the passenger seat.  

Me: "It's gonna be freakin' hilarious if your mom finds that!"
Joe: "You're a whore."

What. A. Mistake.

Somehow, in all those months, the magnum wrapper became  lodged under the seats in Joe's car.  Not surprisingly, Joe forgot all about the wrapper and also, not surprisingly, Joe forgot to clean out his car.  This was a formula for disaster.

On Tuesday, Joe asked me to drive him home from work because his mom needed to borrow his car.  We were sitting on his couch when his mom called him back to her room for a minute.  What happened next is easily one of the most embarrassing and hilarious things I have ever experienced. 

Joe and his mother came into the living room.  The mom, whom I will refer to as Mary, looked distraught.  Her face was puffy and red from where she had been crying, and she looked as though I had killed her puppy.  Joe looked...giggly.  In Mary's hand was the condom wrapper.

Mary: "Am I going to need to call your parents?"
Me: (not remembering what had happened months before) "Um, no.  What's that?"

Suddenly it hit me and I burst into hysterical laughter.  Mary looked confused and Joe chimed in.

Joe: "Tell her the truth."
Me: "What truth?  We found it in the parking lot, I was playing around with it, and I threw it in the car.  That's all."
Joe: "No, the real truth.  We did it."
Me: "Joe, everybody knows you don't need a Magnum."

By that time Mary was laughing and Joe looked rather pissed that I had insulted his manhood.  Mary went on to explain that she had called her husband in tears, telling him that I had corrupted her son, to which he replied "Well, if he had to use a magnum, he didn't get it from me."  She then called her best friend, also in tears, and told her about it.  In the end, it all worked out and nobody thinks that Joe and I have been honkin' it. 

I guess the most valuable lesson learned is always throw away your condom wrappers.  I'm still looking for the owner of that magnum.