Members login Not a member yet? Sign up
Shawn Gordon

I hate...

by Shawn Gordon []
Published on 2/4/07 in People
Do you know what I hate? Of course you don't - that's why I'm going to tell you.
I hate when people talk on their cell phone at cash registers when making a purchase. I used to work at a music store and sometimes would man the cash register. I'd be trying to tell them how much money to give me for the worthless crap they mislabeled as music, but they'd be talking about some stupid bullshit. Forget telling someone to hang on so the line would move, and certainly forget that fact that if I were on my cell phone looking over at them every 10 seconds to say "Huh?" when they said anything to me they'd be pissed. No, they'd give me a deer in the headlights look with glazed over eyes and say "Huh?" after every other thing I said. I could give a shit if you were buying the entire stock in my store; you will give me your undivided attention so that the line of paying customers behind you will also hurry the fuck up and let me get on with my day.  The people behind you have shitty music to buy as well, and probably an equal amount of stupid phone conversations to have in the day as well. If a customer said "Huh?" to me more than twice then I cancelled the purchase and said "Next."

I hate when someone asks me for my opinion and then when they get it, they don't like it. I managed a clothing store for a couple of years and this girl asks me how she looks in a hat she wanted to buy. I asked her if she wanted the truth, and she did. So, I told her that she might look better in a different hat because I didn't think the one she picked out worked well for her. Then her boyfriend steps up and starts telling me that I'm a bad salesman for telling her that it didn't look good on her. I politely notified him of the fact that I was simply ensuring that his woman didn't leave the store looking stupid in an ugly hat.  She hears this and says that I obviously don't want her $16. Being the honest guy I am, I told her that the company I work for grossed over 4 million dollars in profits last year – and she's threatening pulling $16 – someone please hold me. I have a policy about honesty and ass kicking – if you ask for it, I've got to give it to you.

I really hate being told to put the toilet seat down after I use the bathroom. Many women I've asked about this tell me that men should always do this because women fall into the toilet if the seat is up. What the fuck is THAT? Falling in the toilet? I'm sorry, but I tend to look where I'm sitting, especially when my bare ass is concerned. With that point made, women also tell me that I have the advantage of standing to pee, so I don't understand what it is to have to pee really badly and not have time to look – I'm already looking. Again I'll ask "What the fuck is THAT?" I'm already looking? Excuse me ladies, have any of you had to fish a penis out from both your pants and underwear while having to urinate very badly? All you have to do is drop the pants and sit. We men have a couple of extra steps. Have you seen a fire hose with no one controlling it? Piss goes everywhere unless you give yourself total undivided attention.

Feminists annoy the ever living shit out of me. I've never met a group of people (outside of PETA), that are so full of double standards and single tracked tired rhetoric than a feminist. If a woman fights tooth and nail for other women and their equal rights within the workforce, economy, and society, then they are doing good and being strong and independent. If a man does the same thing for men, then he's a fascist. These people proclaim that they're fighting for equality. If that's the case...put the toilet seat down your damn selves.

Stupid warning labels irritate me. You know, those little silica sand packets that come in shoe boxes. They have "DO NOT EAT" stamped all over it. I can't remember a time when I opened a box of shoes and was amazed to also find a free packet of candy. Besides, if someone really is dumb enough to think that, then I say they be allowed to eat it with total reckless abandon. That's one less dumbass to worry about and pay higher taxes to protect from themselves.

The question "What are you doing?" is possibly the second dumbest question ever formed. When someone asks me this, they had better be blind and deaf. If you had to walk up to me and ask what I'm doing, then you can SEE what I'm doing.  People will call me on my cell phone and ask me what I'm doing. Obviously I'm talking to them on the phone. As for the first most annoying question – I don't know what that is yet, but I'm sure that somehow someone will ask it of me at some point.

I get hate when people ask my cell phone number and get upset that I don't know it. Seriously, how often do you call yourself? Is there a great need to know your own number if you're never going to call yourself? I'm not going to waste my time memorizing a number I'll never call just so you can use it to call my phone to give me yours.

I hate the fact that when I think to myself, the voice in my head sounds nothing like me.

Tag & Vote

Technorati Technorati Tags:
drivl
Social Bookmark:
Submit to Del.icio.us Submit to Digg Submit to Reddit
Vote:
 3.3 (8 votes) Login to vote

Share, it's good for you


Copy and paste the code above to post this story on your MySpace or Blog.

15 Comments

Wanna comment? Signup!

Killer

Ty Henry
Pretty funny. Excellent commentary. Maybe the first most annoying question is "who is this?". I hate it when someone calls my cell phone and the first thing they say is "Who is this?". It's who you freakin' called!! You called me! If you don't know who I am, then hang up and erase this number from your memory. Geez. Written on 2/4/07

ShawnG

Shawn Gordon
I KNEW I forgot one... yeah... That gripes my ass too. "Who dis be"... how in the fuck are you gonna call me up and ask who I am? Written on 2/4/07

girlinlove

Girlinlove
Me too...once when I was, like 10, one of my mom's friends called and said "who's this?" and I was like: "who's this?" and so on, until she confessed who she was.

She was annoyed, but seriously, I did the right thing, especially coming off hours of very earnest "stranger danger" training at school. Whew. The memories.

in defense of women(I know, we don't need it). i was justifying to myself my planned request that my fiance leave the seat down for me--I totally pee more than he does, so as the more frequent user, my preferences prevail. If he pee'd (is there a right way to spell that??) every few hours I would be willing to compromise. Otherwise it boils down to....girls just don't want to have to think about putting the seat down. Sorry. Not really. Written on 3/4/07

Killer

Ty Henry
Maybe you should get checked for diabetes. Then, once treated, you can start leaving the seat up? Written on 3/4/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Um... I recognise a few of these from this post. Written on 2/4/07

ShawnG

Shawn Gordon
Oh... I didn't really see that. really... sorry. Written on 2/4/07

blitzhund

William Paris
I like your take on it Shawn - the same but ... angrier. So angry. So very angry. Written on 3/4/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I agree with blitzhund. Anger goes a long way at Drivl :) Written on 3/4/07

blitzhund

William Paris
I hate: Men who can't take a compliment from other men. One of my buddies told me he bought a new sweater, so he walks into the room and I say "Hey man, that's a nice sweater - looks good on you". He immediately say "Whoa...you sound a little bit gay man".

WHAT????

So suddenly I become a flaming gay for complimenting someone...newsflash I'm able to look at a man and see that something looks good on him and say so without coveting his arse. I know it sounds strange world but its true.

I hate: Women who think I want to bed them because I've paid them a compliment. To be fair I've only encountered this audibly in America. I say "Wow, you look nice today". She says (true story - it happened at AT&T) "Are you coming on to me?" and then reports me. Luckily I was saved by my Director of European Operations who (was a female and) saw the patented ridiculousness of this. So once again, I am able to look at a woman see she looks nice WITHOUT wanting to have sex with her. I know it sounds strange world but my wife is incredibly good looking and I'd much rather bed her. Written on 3/4/07

fatback

Francis
The proper reply to:

"Are you coming on to me?"

is:

"Damn right. I don't have a lot of cash though. What can I get for ten dollars? My wife may want to join too. Will that be extra? Oooh...she's kind of Rick James-y, so you may get some cigarette burns. Not on the face though. Wouldn't want to mess up the pie. You're down right? On the DL?" Written on 3/4/07

ShawnG

Shawn Gordon
Really... I'll have to try that. Usually I go with one of two:

"Yeah, but I can't feed your fat ass on a buck fiddy"

-or-

"You bet. I got two forties and a condom... so what's up?"

I'm amazed that I'm married. Written on 3/4/07

girlinlove

Girlinlove
I don't know you, but do you have an accent? That may have something to do with the mistaken come-on.

For some american women, accent= sexy =anything you say has something to do with sex.

my fiance is brazillian, it happens a lot. Written on 3/4/07

ShawnG

Shawn Gordon
Engh... the complimenting men thing I think is contextual. It's not something that's smiled upon in public, but the double standard is that if someone else says your buddy looks like the NBC turkey, YOU get yelled at for letting him leave the house looking like a clown... The only other thing I can think of is perhaps the guy you complimented might think you look gay and by complimenting him, he took it as some abstract (and stupid), verbal confirmation.

Written on 3/4/07

Snyds

Ryan Snyder
Nice rip-off of Seinfeld on the candy-in-the-shoebox comment. Written on 4/4/07

crickit

Cristy Anzalone Bystry
I laughed so hard I cried...
I have to agree with the toilet seat thing, even though I am a woman. I totally agree that one should always first look at whatever one is going to place any part of their bare anatomy upon. Anyone brought up around outhouses need never be reminded to look before she sits... Written on 11/4/07

Wanna comment? Signup!