You can't fool me, Tony Blair.  You can't do it.  You might have your daily briefings and your top secret intelligence fed to you by the spies of the corporate world and the satellites of the mighty USA.  You might have billions of pounds worth of hardware at your disposal, but......well, that's pretty good, actually.  But you still can't fool me, Tony Blair!

Because I have Hollywood.  Come on, you've seen V for Vendetta, right?  No?  Well, let me lay out the similarities just for a jolt.  Cheeky, you say?  If I had to sit through 3 hours of that saturated horse crap just to discover the greatest conspirator of our millenium, then you can sit through a short summary.  Okay, Mr. Conspirator?
 

• In V for Vendetta, Evey becomes overwhelmed by the obvious truth that her society has become slave to the powers of a mega-fascist dictator and she must shave her head.  Why? I don't know, but she must.  She was very upset.  Well, now we know why Britney shaved her head, don't we?  Now we know why she was so upset, don't we, Tony!?  She just couldn't take living under this perverse system anymore, could she!?  Oh, she's on to you.  And if that dry humping (okay fine, dancing) dip stick can figure it out, so can I!
• So, who is V?  Come on.  Have you ever heard Mel Gibson talk in person?  That self-absorbed ADhD moment where V spouted off every damn word in the dictionary that started with a V, just to flaunt his superior powers of verse, didn't remind you of anybody?  Ever seen "The Man Without a Face?"  Ya, Mel was a little extra crispy in that movie, wasn't he?  That was his real face, I bet.  Remember how V got the Backdraft treatment in your super secret facility designed to.....shit, I was sleeping at that point.....but you know what I'm talking about, right?  When V came out all super powered and pissed off like somebody just used all the hot water in the shower?  Ya, well, I've seen Braveheart, and Mel's the baddest dude I know, so he HAS to be V.  And he's on to you Tony Blair, which means I AM TOO! 

I knew that movie had to have some kind of purpose, and I finally figured it out.  I used to think its purpose was to give me time to nap before I went out that night, and what a meaningful task that would have been.  But I guess that wasn't it, was it? 

Look.  Don't get into that whole "V for Vendetta was the most ridiculously stupid movie that ever disgraced the theatres" speech with me.  That's what I thought too, before Britney shaved her head.  Don't tell me all about how Guy Fawkes was no hero, or that he caused an implosive increase of religious intolerance in Britain because he was an idiot.  The simple fact is Tony, you can't fool me, because Hollywood told me who you are and I'm not freakin' scared.  Britney and Mel aren't going to let you take over the world, and neither am I!

Ya, actually I am.  Nobody sent me a Guy Fawkes mask.  Cheap Bastards. 

Sincerely,
Oh, like you don't know....