Then I looked at her face.
She had drooping cheeks like those of an obese bulldog, jiggling whenever she walked by me. She wore glasses decorated with Shakespearian stickers. She let us gape at the puddle of water exuding from her armpits whenever she raised her arm. Her mouth moved reluctantly, and she talked to the guys in class with a more than a small hint of condescension. We kept listening though, because we can smell the particles of pepperoni and glazed donuts emanating from her mouth.
She was the product of years spent sitting behind a computer screen, ecstatically typing on forums about making art with lard or playing World of Warcraft with her female gamer buddies. Though I found it hard to believe she did yoga, I foresaw her involvement in feminazi organizations.
Then she explained what a womyn was – I told her that if I wrote about her I would dignify her and all of her kind under the classification of "womyn". She gave me my first compliment. My chauvinistic friends were in tears.
From Wikipedia:
Womyn is one of a number of alternate spellings of the word "woman," which some promote as a way to remove the perception of gender bias from the English word women. Other variants include wimmin (plural), wom!n, womban and womon, while femal (from female) and humyn (human) apply the principle elsewhere.
Can you possibly imagine someone writing these "variants"?
Wimmin sounds like what Southern pimps would call their indentured concubines when they needs some Discovery Channel love. "HEY WIMMIN GET YER'SELF OVER HERR"
Wom!n would probably be used in a pornographic movie to titillate our senses, like how typing on MSN with multiple exclamation marks would make our converser feel our excitement. "Peter North and Ron Jeremy in Stratospheric Gangbangs... starring Superwom!n!!!!!!!!"
Womban... sounds like one of those Asian sticks that farmer-moms use to beat their children with when they failed their "Asian six-pack" (math, calculus, physics, chemistry, biology, and communism). I can already imagine my mom saying "DUN MEAK ME USE MA WOMBAN ON YOU!"
Now instead of making a more womanly variant, we have womon. This is what Jaimaican wife-beaters would say to their womon before they slap their face with thick hair locks. "Womon I worned ya.. dorn't mass wit' me Ah am Bob Marlay."
These pseudo-feminists sure made their points about the female sex deserving equality. I'd rather see "fem!n!sm !n act!on", as Ali G, or Baron Sasha Cohen, eloquently put it when he interviewed a womyn.
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