MyHeritage.com = Hopes and Dreams Destroyed

Published on 30/5/07 in Web

What A-List Celeb do YOU look like?

So everyone is doing this "Celebrity Look-a-Like" thing now, and I'm not gonna lie... it gets me thinking, "I wonder which hot celebrity I look like? Maybe this is my chance to show the ladies how hot I REALLY am!"

So I go check it out like any "normal" person would. Now it says to upload a picture.... I do... I click the "Recognize Face" button... Then it tells me to sign up for an account... Lame! In most situations like this, and I mean 99% of the time, when I'm asked to sign up, I give it the old F-U and X out of that scam of a website.

But not today. No, today I was on a mission, I WILL know what A-List Celeb I look like! So I sign up...

Well, okay, I'm a member now! Under a false name and fake email address they let me in! What kinda gank-ass website doesn't validate your email? Haha, suckers.

Upload time! I upload my picture... I can hardly wait to get the results! I'm so excited! This will be a life changing day for me, I just know it!

AND THE RESULT IS...

KELLY OSBORNE?? Really?? I mean, yeah I get that we have the same first name and all... but REALLY? Don't get me wrong... I love Ozzy! And if it had said I was close to the Prince of Darkness himself, I would have been stoked! but nope. Kelly Osborne. The Princess of Ugly.

So let me try this again. Maybe I just picked the wrong picture. Perhaps I shouldn't get discouraged yet. Yeah, a new picture! Let's try this again!

Ohhhh, yeah. Of course! Why didn't I see it every morning when I looked in the mirror? Anna Kournikova! No wonder guys are always trying to buy me shots and take me home from the club! Wow, what a relief... I'm not a Kelly Osborne Look-a-Like! But you know what...why can't it say I look like a DUDE?! I mean, I AM one and everything. Maybe it's the hair. Maybe I threw it off with my BEAUTIFUL blonde hair that it just felt required to say I looked like Anna. Yeah, I don't wanna cheat the system. Perhaps another picture.

Um......................yeah. Mary Kate Olsen? I mean, if I HAVE to be an Olsen twin why couldn't I have at least been Ashley? This is not going the way I had planned. I wanted to see how much I looked like Matt Damon or Ed Norton...not the freakin Olsen Twins! I mean, how many ladies will dig this line: "Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and see how closely I resemble the Olsen Twins? I cant wait to show you my Full House." Yeah, no.

Okay, last try. If I'm not looking like Ryan Gosling after this one, I quit! I cant take this kinda of sick humor and rejection this website has decided to taunt me with! Last picture...

YES!! SCORE! I finally look like a guy! Oh, wait. No I don't... I'm that lame girl from The Fifth Element. WHY! WHY LORD? Why couldn't it have at least been like some funny fat guy? I'd deal with that. Jack Black? Heck yeah! But nope. I get Kelly Osborne. John Belushi? Nope, Anna Kournikova. I'll even take Drew Carey! But they stick me with Mary Kate Olsen!

My day feels like a complete waste now. I'm a failure. I guess Ill never get to be a hot A-List Celeb. Sigh...

My advice to all of you is stay away from myheritage.com. It will only break your hearts.

LATER!
Kelly K

Tag & Vote

Technorati Tags:

Milla Jovich, Anna Kournikova, Mary Kate Olsen, Kelly Osborne, myheritage.com, heritage, Celebrity

Social Bookmark:

Vote:

4.8 (6 votes) Login to vote

Share, it's good for you

Copy and paste the code above to post this story on your MySpace or Blog.

30 Comments

Wanna comment? Signup!

JaneCopland

Mine:

Amanda Bynes (fucking yuck)
Nikki Cox (who?)
Scarlett Johansson (yesssss!)
Charlize Theron (my life is complete)
Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

KellyK

Ahhhh no guys?? lucky you! ha ha! Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

Haha, yeah that was nice. I did, however, steal some Facebook pictures of a girl I don't like and run them. She returned 90% male results, which made me rather happy, in my own little evil way. Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

MattB

"Nikki Cox (who?)"

What? Surely you remember the hottie daughter from "Unhappily Ever After", that oh so quality rip-off of "Married... with Children"? Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

Erm. No. And...

There is not a white woman in the world who looks less like me that this one.

I'm still stoked about Charlize and Scarlett. This Cox bitch isn't going to steal my thunder! Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

mattknows

"Amanda Bynes (fucking yuck)"

Noooooooooo. (Seriously...I have the hots for her...sad I know.) Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

But would you rather date her or Charlize Theron. Come on now. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

ScottWill

Dude, I've been telling you that you should claim to be Charlize Theron's kid sister for ages. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

... but imagine my horror if, walking down the street, someone stopped me and said, "you aren't related to Amanda Bynes are you?"

I'm sorry. She just gets on my nerves. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

Killer

My top hits (bearded look):

Johnny Depp (No thanks)
Ville Valdo (Who? He looks pretty scary)
Ben Stiller (Maybe a little)
David Beckham (That's better) Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

You said "no thanks" to Johnny Depp!? But he's HAWT! Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

Killer

He looks postmortem. I'm better looking than that. :) Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

gabrielle

It's Ville Valo and he's the lead singer of HIM. He's Finnish.
http://www.freewebs.com/xxlovelyvillevaloxx/Ville%20Valo%20-%
20Black%20Sweater-Vest.JPG Written on 5/6/07

My Comment:

KellyK

Wow, with each comment I read I feel more and more like a total DoucheNozzle!! ha ha!! I guess I should learn from all this... Look to the higher lesson, the bigger picture so to speak... I guess I just should have been born a chick! I guess I should just blame my parents... Oh well... Ill just live out the rest of my life in this horrible existents where I resemble women that no one really cares about.... Touché God, touché. Written on 30/5/07

My Comment:

Killer

LOL. Don't worry, God still loves you regardless how much you might look like Kelly Osborne. And yes, you can always blame your parents. It's a very popular defense mechanism. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

blitzhund

Mine are as follows:

Gerard Butler (who the hell is that???)
Mark Ruffalo (um...'A' list???)
Chester Bennington (again - who the hell is that???)
Sean William Scott (Oh my god, I look like Stifler) Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

Rebecca

Gerard Butler was Leonidas in 300. He was fucking buff, too. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

Dapht

He was also the Phantom in the 2004 remake of Phantom of the Opera.

Does that make him more or less bad-ass? Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

Rebecca

Less. Way, way less. Written on 1/6/07

My Comment:

scottieJ

Apparently I look like Jessie Jackson...except that whole part where I am not a black man.

My last match at 55% - Buffalo Bill. That's right. Buffalo Bill. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

To test this thing, I uploaded a picture of Nicole Kidman and it did indeed tell me that the picture I uploaded looked 96% like Nicole Kidman. I feel bad for you, Kelly, I really do :p Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

KellyK

Well thanks for the pity... Maybe this thing will work out better than I thought!! I may not get the ladies by lookin all hot, but rather through their pity of my self loathing! Hey, I'm not above that.... Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

Attaboy

Shit. I seriously got Ashley Olsen.

Fuck fuck fuck. Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

JaneCopland

I don't know what kind of fucked up dude looks like Ashley Olsen.

:) /jk Written on 31/5/07

My Comment:

KellyK

Probably the same kind that looks like Mary Kate! Sigh.... Written on 1/6/07

My Comment:

Jesusmafia

I somehow just got Alicia Keyes Written on 2/6/07

My Comment:

demius

I got Matt Damon, John D. Rockafella and Jimi Hendrix (I'm white) Written on 3/6/07

My Comment:

amers12000

None of you should feel that bad... My friend got Condoleezza Rice! Written on 3/6/07

My Comment:

gabrielle

I got Paris Hilton (makes me hurl), some dude called Steve harris and, my favorite, Kristen Bell. I do kinda look like her so I'm happy about that one. Written on 5/6/07