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Tyler Johnson

Pokémon: Gotta shit on them all!

by Tyler Johnson []
Published on 13/6/07 in Television
What the hell is it with pokemon? Everybody wants it, yet its a piece of crap.
Seriously, I know most people here have heard of pokemon, watched it, and/or played it. What the fuck is up with it? Well, heres the story...

I woke up like normal, and realized it was my gay nephews birthday in a couple days. I called the kid and asked him what the fuck he wanted. Try and Guess what he said...imagine it screaming in the phone too... " I WANT POKEMON DIAMOND OR PEARL, WHICHEVER ONE, DOESN'T MATTER. PEARL HAS BETTER POKEMON, BUT IT IS KINDA GIRLY, SO YOU CHOOSE!!!!!! ".

To be honest, I was in total shock. I knew he was gay, but not that gay. I of course, hadn't seen pokemon since it first came out, so I looked it up now. As the character now, they have a gay french guy and girl. French... what the fuck? Anyways, I then went to Wal-Mart and they didn't have it. I just sat there and said "Forget It" because I am definitely not driving all around town for a Gay Pokemon Game.

Now Get this, I went to the birthday "party" and I just gave him like 25 bucks. He said he spent all the other money on strategy guides and holders for the games, and now he doesn't have enough to buy the game. He cried everyone. In front of his friends, a 14-year old kid cried about a pokemon game.

I am really speechless, because I'm related to that gay person. It's a bit scary. Now I just have to hope my psycho of a sister doesn't call the police over this and make me look like an idiot. Believe me, its happened before :\ .

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6 Comments

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DrunkClown

Jeremy Watson
Oy vey, this made page 2? Must be a hell of a submissions drought at Drivl. Why not just post the ingredients panel from a cereal box, it'd be a more stimulating read.

Second thoughts... is this actually a clever parody of the kind of xenophobic fag-panicked inanity your average neanderthal 16-year-old stoner moron would post? Great, now I'm confused. Bring Rebecca back, pronto. Written on 18/6/07

ScottWill

Scott Willoughby
Apologies, DrunkClown, I just saw this for the first time and I too am disappointed...and I'm a fucking editor here!

All of these stupid "real jobs" have been causing a bit of drought for us regular contributors...we're tryin', but things is busy!

I, for one, have never known any of my gay friends to have an irrational fascination with Pokemon. SpongeBob, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. Written on 18/6/07

DrunkClown

Jeremy Watson
Sorry ScottWill, I know the feeling. I shall withhold my bile and watch patiently while the Quality Meter creeps back into the green. Written on 19/6/07

CygnusX1

CygnusX1
1st off, I agree, this article is drivel (pun intended). Here I am expecting a funny send-up or mockumentary on the Pokemon craze, and instead I find some borderline homophobic rant about a young relative's obsession over the archtypal fad of this decade.

But I'm not here to comment on the lack of editorial discrimination, I here to call the writer out, for the beating of his life at my hands, for being a complete and utter fuck-head.

The rest of this rant is directed exclusively at the above mentioned fuck-head:

Imaging your girlfriend told you that she would finally be your 'back-door baby' on your next birthday, but when your birthday shows up, she decides to go for a walk in the park instead. 'It'll be good for our relationship...' she'll say. Yeah, you'd cry too.

I know Pokemon doesn't hold a candle to a good lay, but please, give your poor nephew some credit:
1) Pokemon does not mean "I like anal sex"
2) Gay means "Happy" in it's original context.
3) A birthday promise is only superseded by a parental promise in importance, you broke a promise in the 2nd worse way.

So you are not just a fucking shit head, but a LAZY shit head too. Go give your nephew a hug and tell him you are a sorry sack of Pikachu Shit for not getting him the Birthday Present you promised.

Otherwise I might just track you down and shove a Cacatar up your anal-sex loving ass.

PS: I have played Pokemon, I think it's boring. Give me 'Knights of Xentar' anyday. Written on 2/9/07

Agata

Agata
I can understand your nephew's feelings. I also belong to those people who have heard of spongebob, watched it, and played it, but all the toys I've seen were a total piece of crap.

signature: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. (at least your favorite adult toys"
Written on 20/8/08

canadian

nikki
Apologies I agree, this article is drivel If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. (at least your favorite adult toys Written on 1/12/08

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