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Sara H.

An Open Letter to my MP3 Player

by Sara H. []
Published on 19/6/07 in Technology
Don't get me wrong, "Living Dead Girl" is a fine song; I just don't need to hear it 5 times in a row.
Dear Flash-Based MP3 Player My Mom Got Me For Christmas Last Year,

I love you to bits; I really do. You have good battery life, and I couldn't imagine trying to read Drivl while my mother watches a crappy romantic comedy mere feet behind me without you blasting in my ears, drowning out the awful dialog and crappy music.  Your 512 Mb of memory is more than ample for my meager music collection, and you're generally pretty fantastic, but that's not why I'm writing this...

We have a problem. Hearing the same songs over and over again in the same exact order is boring as Hell, but that's not your fault. What is your fault, is your crappy random mode. I navigate my way through 3 menus to get to where I can select random play order. I choose it, navigate back to the menu that lets me play the dang music, and start to listen. All is well for a few songs until, inevitably, "Living Dead Girl" plays. Then, it plays again. And then again. And maybe a few more times, until you finally play some other song, like "I'll Keep Your Memory Vague," once. Then you play "Living Dead Girl" again. This needs to stop.

I don't know if you have a mad on for Rob Zombie (if you do, I've also got "Dragula" on you, waiting to be played; I hardly ever hear that one), or what exactly your problem is, but you really need to stop this. "Living Dead Girl" is a fine song, but I don't need to hear it multiple times in rapid succession. I'm not taking the MP3 off you. There's too many occasions when "Living Dead Girl" can be an extremely appropriate song to play. I can't be caught without it, so either you stop or I may have to damn myself for all eternity and get an iPod.

The ball is in your court, MP3 Player. I love you, and I hope we can work this out.

XOXO
- S

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8 Comments

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sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Actually, playing Living Dead Girl five times in a row is the mp3 players' way of asking for a firmware update. Its kinda like babies crying when they shit themselves, and want a new diaper. Except firmware doesn't smell bad. Written on 19/6/07

JaneCopland

Jane
This analogy is... odd. Very well done :) Written on 19/6/07

blitzhund

William Paris
LOL Oh my god that is an absolutely fecking crackin' comment! Written on 20/6/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Thank You. I am programmed to please :) Written on 20/6/07

Fluxx

Jeff Pollard
This article reminds me of my Diamond Rio MP3 player I had way back in freshman year of high school. Rest in peace 64MB of trailblazing gadgetry. Written on 20/6/07

blitzhund

William Paris
That reminds me of what I had back in my Freshman year...where portable meant a 'boombox' with (gasp) a dual cassette deck! Written on 20/6/07

scottieJ

Scott Jahnke
This makes me think of when iTunes first introduced the "party shuffle" feature...and by "party shuffle" they meant "play the same shitty-song-you've-been-meaning-to-delete ten times in a row" Written on 20/6/07

TheNizzer

Brian N
MP3 players secretly embed a mind reading chip through the ear bud directly into the frontal cortex. They then play music that corresponds to odd numbered brain waves.

This produces the "Adrian Brody" effect, which when left untreated, moves all non-essential organ functions to an IT company in northern China. Written on 21/6/07

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