Why I'm going to hell: An IM conversation.

Published on 21/6/07 in Technology

I grew up in a working class southern family, which means we were too drunk to be Pentecostal, too messy to be Methodists and too not knowing what the fuck Lutheran was to be Lutheran, so I went to a Baptist church. (The rich folks were Episcopalian [Anglican, not Catholic] because who wants to go to a church with a bunch of immigrants, right?) Point is: I grew up around religion. However, after an enlightening biology class and finding a couple of faded out Playboys in the woods in the 7th grade, I decided that the whole church thing was bullshit and I would make out way better as a atheist. Which is why I am a godless heathen and have IM chats like this: (I'm "bs" in this thread.)

[11:46] jjt: Check this out...ever heard of a godcast?
[11:46] bs: huh?
[11:46] jjt: yeah, godcast...it's a downloadable mp3 of a religious sermon
[11:47] bs: godcast, sweet
[11:47] bs: sounds pretty Web 2.0
[11:47] bs: BOOM. The lord has spoken...download to iTunes
[11:48] jjt: yeah! God 2.0 ....now in beta!
[11:49] jjt: makes you wonder why god made moses carry those stone tablets
[11:49] bs: seriously...how bout a thumbdrive dude..?
[11:49] bs: Moses is all 'we'll just post these bad boys on metafilter and call it day'
[11:50] jjt: yeah, and post it to Digg. They LOVE top 10 lists
[11:50] bs: HA! Thou shalt not kill: 300 Diggs
[11:52] bs: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife: Buried.
[11:52] jjt: you could really just do the whole thing online
[11:52] bs: yeah. burning bush?...shazam. Macromedia Flash movie....nobody gets hurt
[11:53] bs: sodom and gomorrah?...webcams...no pillars of salt. Lot's wife? Saved.
[11:53] jjt: precisely
[11:53] bs: crucifixion...All CGI, baby...jesus LIVES!
[11:54] jjt: what about the flood?
[11:54] bs: Evan Almighty. Nuff' said.
[11:55] jjt: what about the devil?
[11:55] bs: youtube
[11:55] jjt: baby jesus?
[11:56] bs: youtube
[11:57] jjt: the bible?
[11:57] bs: perez hilton, duh?

See you in digital hell, heathens.

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16 Comments

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elliottcable

That has nothing to do with why you're going to hell \-:
But it is really freakin funny! Wow. 'specially loved teh digg buried comment d-; Written on 21/6/07

My Comment:

fatback

I know...so many vices, where will satan even begin? The preacher's daughter? Cutting church? Pickled pig feet? Mmmm. Pork feet in a pink fetid brine. Written on 21/6/07

My Comment:

I'll see you in hell as well... I pitched the idea
for "Holy-O's" in my high school economics class.
It would of course be communion wafer cereal, ya
know, for Catholics on the go. "Start your day the
Holy way" and all that.

Yeah, my teacher was Catholic. And yeah, he didn't
like me so much after that.

Edit | Written on 21/6/07