To make a long story short, I'm standing in line at the express lane of a local grocery store.  You need twenty items or less.  As far as I was concerned I was well under.  All I really needed was food for the weekend and I had nine items.  Nine.

Right now you're saying, "Boooooorrrrinnnngggggg."  Ya.  But that's because you're like me.  Nine items, express lane, end of story.  At least I'm not some ass hole that took twenty five items through the express lane because it's close enough and I didn't want to stand in line with the rest of the upright chimps.  Don't worry I can call them chimps, we're pretty much all white people where I live and I really don't care about how creationists feel.  They got themselves a creationist museum. I guarantee I'm as offended by as they are by being called chimps.  I mean they apparently have an exhibit of humans walking around with dinosaurs.  WTF. 

So anyway I have nine items.  Yet when I glance back at the guy behind me I am met with an obviously frustrated and somewhat degrading look.  He reminds me of the math geniuses in middle school that would get pissed if I asked a question.  Clarification my friends, that's all I need.  The guy looked away.  It seemed that he was perfectly willing to give me that condescending look of hatred, but he was slightly intimidated by the idea of confrontation.

I had to know though.  "Did I miss something here?"  In response the guy just gestured toward my food and gave me a face that suggested I should already have known.
Meanwhile the little old lady in front of me was going through the painfully slow process of organizing her money purse so I decided there was plenty of time for me to catch up to this obviously astute gentlemen.  

"I'm sorry," I said.  "But I don't really see the problem."  His face turned kind of red, and suddenly it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with the conversation.  That was pretty humorous for me.  I love watching mouthy people when they are afraid to speak their mind.  I'm good at that too.  Those people aren't used to having to match up to someone capable of the same artful intensity.  One look from me says it all, I mean to take this to the bitter end.  But he mustered up the courage from God knows where.

"You're tomatoes...." he said, as if it should have been obvious.

Ya.  Grape tomatoes.  I discovered the obvious counter point and said, "They're in one container..."  Nothing.  He made a tsssh sound and apparently this was supposed to dissuade me from my position.  No.  Not in this life time.  I directed his attention to his box of Wheaties and said, "You've got hundreds of those.  Better move to a different line."  Then I turned away.

And there I was.  Little old lady still taking up the cashier's counter and the guy behind me unloading his nineteen items right behind mine without the little divider thing to clear things up for the cashier.  Passive aggressive much?  It was time for an epiphany, and here is a brief explanation for your reading pleasure.

(Pause in story. Skip to end to avoid my rant)
This guy is pretty typical these days.  He came into the store wanting to get in and out all by himself.  When he discovered that there were other people in the line, he became very upset.  When I confronted him he didn't know how to respond, because deep down he knew he was just being a selfish little baby at the age of forty something, and instead of just backing off he was just proud and stupid enough to come up with some half baked crock of shit argument.  It's easy to do.  One can follow all the laws of logic without making a rational argument, or being in any way correct. 

And that is where I take my epiphany to the next level.  That kind of psyche is really mucking up civilization.  We wake up in the morning and flip on the news, or listen to the radio on the way to work.  We walk in to work--you get the point now--and it's always somebody is all pissed off about something stupid and everybody is talking about it.  The person that started it all comes up with a dumpster full of shitty arguments that sounds good to the untrained ears and then you get to hear those same shitty arguments re-hashed all day long by the arm chair sociologists.  The 24 hour news shows are some of the worst culprits as far as bringing these ass holes to the front burner, and that's why so many people love John Stewart and Steven Colbert--that's coal-bear--so much.
(End of rant, but what if you missed somethint!?  Come on.  Read it.  Two paragraphs.)

After such an eye opening line of thought, I was needless to say kind of miffed.  I made it my mission to confront these people on a 24 hour basis, whenever and wherever I come across them.  "Don't let it go...be angry...make them pay," became my motto of the hour.  Really.  It only lasted about an hour.  

So  I had stopped in the liquor section of the store to grab myself a six pack of New Glarus Totally Naked beer, a brewskie I'd been waiting to try.  I then walked out and started into the parking lot and who should I see pulling out into the through lane?  My good friend the grape tomato hater.  I walked really slowly, and I mean really slowly.  He yelled and flailed behind his wheel and stared at me when he caught my mischievous glare.  Then he looked around--presumably for a police officer--and then gave up and just continued to stare at me.  I wasn't done though.  When I was out of the way he started to move relatively fast.  I turned around like I dropped something and he slammed on his breaks, groceries spilled off of his seat and onto the floor.  I laughed and walked away feeling just a little bit guilty.  I mean at least he was decent enough to hit his breaks when it looked like I might be going out in front of him again.  But I decided the only reason he wouldn't want to run me over is that he would get in trouble.  His insurance would probably go up too.