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Buster Nicaragua

I Value My Car More Than Your Life...

by Buster Nicaragua []
Published on 1/8/07 in Culture
That and the overwhelming desire to keep my low insurance payments are the only reason you're not in traction right now.
I value my car more than your life, which is why I didn't T-bone you and your rusted out jalopy* that makes Frankenstein's monster look homogeneous when you pulled across both lanes of Eastbound traffic so you could sneak into the Westbound lanes, only to find that you stood the same chance of getting in as the Olsen twins at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.

Now you and your piece of cow flop are blocking me and the 30 other people who have the right of way. You could act the part of a civilized person and throw that Tetanus-shot-waiting-to-happen* into reverse and back out of everyone's way, but that would require you to acknowledge the now 39 middle fingers on display for your viewing pleasure. But you're not about to show a shred of human decency or even a passing knowledge of the Rules of the Road, are you?

At what point did this become an acceptable practice? Was there a meeting where the DMV announced an amendment to the driver's exam to include this as a legitimate tactic behind the wheel? I wish I knew ahead of time, because there have to be suicide bombers out there who were looking to fill some of their spare time on that day.

Oh, look! Now an ambulance is trying to get through the traffic light two blocks behind us and is stuck because your self-centered ass is too busy trying to find some spare change for your morning Egg McMuffin and you haven't realized that the Westbound traffic is moving again. Right now someone could be dying, and it is hardly inconceivable to believe that any of the now 53 people waiting for you to move is not wishing the defibrillator was on the fritz and it was you in the back of the meat wagon with heart problems.

Now you have the gall to give the lot of us the ‘thank you' wave like we chose to sit there and let you in? I would sooner have accepted the patronizing gratitude of a rabid hyena that had just finished gnawing on my testicles. If ever there were a valid argument for a Mad Max-style society, this is it. What I wouldn't have given to have had a bazooka (no, too quick and painless)...err...a gun that fired chainsaws, sitting in my passenger seat as you smiled and drove off - as long as it didn't scratch the leather.  


* Feel free to substitute Mercedes/BMW/Land Rover here. White collared executives and their sharp-as-a-butter-knife-in-a-mental-hospital-cafeteria trophy wives are just as guilty.

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12 Comments

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blitzhund

William Paris
Yay! Bravo for a good article that is truly back to Drivl!

Written on 1/8/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Careful, I'm sure there's room for some political hijacking in here somewhere. What if the car in front had a Bush Cheney sticker on its bumper? What if they were displaying an anti-abortion sticker? What about the support-our-troops magnets? This article is obviously biased. RAGE! Written on 1/8/07

Bodero

Bo Dero
You libs always have to ruin everything. Written on 1/8/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
LMFAO

Instead of a chainsaw, you could have a bodero gun. teleports a bodero to co-ordinates designated by a laser pointer (which would be the unit in your hand). Guaranteed to engage the opponent in a meaningless squabble! Make your opponent kill him/herself! No messy paperwork on your part!
Act now, and I will throw in a new and improved ChaosUT gravity gun! Watch as the bodies of your opponents* rip apart on a subatomic level! Fun for the entire family!


*Caution: The laws of physics may not apply to conservatives Written on 1/8/07

Boderoo

yoshi6900
You mean being a random person's myspace blog run through spellcheck? Written on 1/8/07

JaneCopland

Jane
What? Written on 2/8/07

pjm

pjm
How true... How true...
In the UK we have the London Orbital Motorway, aka the M25, aka the London Car Park, aka the Widowmaker and when it slows to a crawl at an exit ramp... yup... we have them here... but worse, we also have the "white van man" who believes that the hard shoulder (don't know the US equivalent - emergency lane?) is their own private domain and for their use alone...
Scares the crap out of me every time one shoots past on the inside.. Bastards!... I'd like to see Monty Pythons big foot sort 'em out... Written on 2/8/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Don't forget to mention the copy of The Sun on the dashboard - a must have accessory for any self-respecting white-van man.

I'd suggest when driving in the UK you look out for any make of German car other than a VW. If it's BMW or Merc get out of the way - if stuck in traffic next to one - exit the car by the opposite door and run. Written on 2/8/07

pjm

pjm
Oh yeah.. forgot about that bastion of truth and big tits.. The Sun (much loved by some commentors on these pages)... and the graffiti on the mucky doors... "if you think this is dirty, you should meet my wife"... ho ho ho.. very droll.
Hmmm just had a look at the traffic reports... The 25 is 'f'ed up again and I'm on it in 30 minutes... shit shit shit! Written on 2/8/07

MikeSavage

Mark Levin
Had you actually bothered responding thoughtfully to my post about The Sun instead of spewing the usual sarcastic comment I am accustomed to seeing from drivl posters, you would have realized I am not advocating reading the magazine.

One of the elitists on this site stated that only in America will you find trivial and sensationalized news. This is obviously a crock. Does Great Britain's media not have an unhealthy obsession with page 3 girls, David Beckham & family, Wayne Rooney, the royal family (especially William), and women like Jodie Marsh and Jordan? It is arguably worse than America with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. I merely submit The Sun as an example of this ridiculous news coverage. Today (August 5)'s "The Times" has quite a lengthy article about bad girl actress Sienna Miller. This from the supposed leader in serious British journalism.

Perhaps you'd like something a bit more substantive. Do yourself a favor and google Greg Dyke and/or the Hutton Report. You will find some very questionable reporting behavior at your beloved BBC.

I shall continue educating you on the "great" British media. The Jewish community has long held that Great Britain newspapers carry an anti-Israeli point of view. For example, consider "The Independent" with its false accusations that Israel sold uranium shells to Lebanon. Let us not forget the distinguished "Guardian." It once blamed Israel when a "Palestinian everyman" decided on his own to run his bus into Israeli soldiers and civilians.

Feel free to sarcasm away and misrepresent what I have said. Written on 5/8/07

pjm

pjm
Methinks that you are over-inflating your own importance here.
Written on 6/8/07

Recetas

Tatiana
Well guys, if you want to experience bad drivers
at extreme, you should come to the south americas...
You better have a bullet proof car, or a loaded
magnum, then

Cirugia plastica abdominoplastia

, you can shout obsenities to the driver in front and back of your car. Anyway, your life at sake every day...
Written on 11/8/07

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