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Rick Thomas

Drugs: Easier than Calculus

by Rick Thomas []
Published on 29/8/07 in People
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I recently viewed on the television an "anti-youth drug use" (or something like that) commercial advertisement wherein a posh, pretty teenage girl is confronted by her dog, who tells her that he wishes she "didn't smoke weed" because he "misses his friend." Now let me state, for the record, that I have used marijuana in the past, and my dog did not speak to me. Nor has anyone with whom I am acquainted, to my knowledge, experienced a communique from an animal while using marijuana. Not in English, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that drug usage doesn't lead to hallucination; in fact this is quite often the case.

However, the amount of hallucinogenics normally required to experience lucid conversation with a house pet is probably significantly higher than the amount of pot smoked by your average high-school junior cheerleader. In contrast, many individuals take medications for various mental disorders, symptoms of which may be visual and auditory hallucinations. If these medications are not taken in the correct dosage, the individual may exhibit these symptoms. In any case, if you experience a talking dog, or cat, or goldfish, or any other non-human companion you may have, it probably means you are taking too much crystal meth, or not enough Thorazine, or possibly both. The fact is, your drug intake is not right where it should be. If we can find this drug balance as a society, then perhaps we can finally rid ourselves of these stupid commercials.

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18 Comments

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JaneCopland

Jane
However, if I was high and my dog did speak to me, I might just stop smoking. I mean, that would freak me the fuck out, dude. Written on 29/8/07

TinFoilHat

Jeff
No no. Just share the Dorito's and the remote, and it'll all be fine. Written on 29/8/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Imagine if your dog is actually hearing you speak dog at the same time - how bad would he be freaked out and whoa just think about it....dude.....that's trippy Written on 30/8/07

rach_1623

Rachael
Were you on drugs when you wrote that comment? Written on 9/10/07

phuego

Adrian
In university a friend took more than the recommended dose of cactus and spent the evening staring intently at a knitted donkey toy (a childhood favourite) as it danced around his bedroom.

But I don't think it talked, so that's not as bad as this cheerleader girl. She needs help! Written on 30/8/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Weed is not an hallucinatory substance. It is a depressant, that is, it suppresses inhibition, and the feeling of wanting to do shit. Curiously, it also inhibits a person anti-Dorito's and anti-Dominoes hormones. Seriously, every time Ive been high, theres always empty chip bags, and pizza boxes. I don't even like Dominoes.

That said, what level of calculus are you talking about? If you are talking about differentiating a linear function, then figuring out your drug intake is harder. If you are talking about multivariable calculus involving non-linear partial differential equations, drugs are easier. Written on 30/8/07

JaneCopland

Jane
I know that it is a depressant, but why does it make me laugh? I'm not exactly experienced with this stuff, but I'm aware that I'm an annoying, giggly dipshit when I've been playing with weed. Written on 30/8/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
Alcohol is also a depressant, but in the medical term. In that it suppresses, or depresses certain responses (like judgement, and perception). Same with weed, its suppressing your inhibitions, which is why u become a giggly fool when on it.
Alcohol however, also suppresses the systems that prevent you from being a violent jackass. Unlike weed. Written on 30/8/07

blitzhund

William Paris
Errr....alchohol suppresses the systems that prevent you from being a violent jackass?????

I formally invite you to a Scottish city after the pubs let out. Written on 30/8/07

JaneCopland

Jane
Huh? People who've been drinking aren't violent but people who've smooked weed are? Are YOU high? All the potheads I've ever known just sit around, eat chips and watch TV. Drunks smack each other up. Written on 1/9/07

sportrider

Sidharth Iyer
No no no.
When ur drunk, ur more likely to go on a violent rampage. Normally a part of the judgement section of the brain tells u not to fight (or to not be a violent jackass). Alcohol depresses this brain function, so u become more aggressive.

Written on 1/9/07

hi_im_rick

Rick Thomas
Sorry, I guess I should have made it more clear that I was referring to the "hard" parts of calculus. The parts that made me flunk the subject in high school. I always was better with drugs than with numbers, though. So in my case, I guess ALL the parts of calculus. Give me American History any day of the week.

Also, the fact that weed is not hallucinatory is kind of why I felt the need to write about this particular commercial. Written on 30/8/07

Killer

Ty Henry
THC is a well know appetite stimulant and is occasionally used effectively in medical therapy for severely underweight patients . . . but it ain't smoked. :) Written on 30/8/07

tiburonbite

Él Tiburon
I miss liking pot. I miss eating weird, frankensteined food combinations and watching Ren scream at Stimpy until strawberry Quick shot out my nose. Good times. Now it just makes me think someone's at the door and they want me to perform some public task that requires dexterity and lucid thinking. Bad times. Written on 30/8/07

bitesnkisses

Lai-Sin
Dude, she needs help, if your dog is talking to you you are defiantly not smoking weed. Written on 12/9/07

cmgarcia

Christopher Garcia
Uh, I think you missed the point. I don't think it was as much as, 'You smoke weed, the dog starts talking'. I think it was more along the lines of taking an off-the-wall approach to appeal to the younger generation, in a sort of 'cutesy' fashion. Although I do consider these commercials to be off-balance, I don't think that was the subject matter, exactly. Written on 13/9/07

rence

rence mccusker
weed - in small doses, like most substances, probably increases serotonin and in larger doses most likely has the opposite effect...2 drinks make me giddy and 12 makes me weird, 2 coffees motivate you in the morning but 10 would probably make you a little edgy...and then you crash...moderation is key and knowing your limit...even with something as innocuous as mary-j...but outside of mushrooms no interspecies communication over here...i miss weed...
Written on 26/10/07

tomvale13

Thomas Vale
My Dog is the biggest dealer and he never even speaks.

- The strong silent type, he gets all the girls. Written on 26/2/08

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